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Sunday, July 24, 2011

To Hell with that, he says! (And Conrad recycles junk mail!)

Those brave few who have been following along know that I have a 16 yr. old African Gray Parrot, "Conrad".  African Grays are arguably the most intelligent and best talkers of the entire parrot world.  The uninitiated person might ask, "Then why haven't I seen them on Talent Shows on TV, or in animal shows at Zoos?"  Or they might add, "My uncle has an African Grey, and that thing never talks!"  The rebuttal to both these statements is straightforward:  The same intellect that allows African Grey parrots to learn complex tasks and to be the best 'talkers' of the parrot world allows them to know when they WANT to speak, and when they want to remain quiet.  If everything they said was a "knee-jerk" response, they would be perfect candidates for animal shows.  The trainer would say a trigger word, and the parrot would answer with whatever response that he has been trained to do so.  Instead of repeating phrases that an African Gray has learned in response to a trigger.  Not in an unhumanlike fashion, Grays speak for several reasons:

1) To vocalize their wants and needs
2) To communicate with their flock (ME!)
3) To entertain themselves.
4) To entertain others!
5)  To get attention!

Note that "mimicry" is not in that list.  Most Greys do have a daily 'song' that they may perform when communication with others is not required. They will recite this 'song' until they feel the need to interrupt it for more pertinent speech, stop the song to utilize their voices in a manner that is consistent with the matter at hand, and often, will return to the place in their 'daily song' where they stopped to speak.  This 'song', mind you, is not the 'song' that most people imagine to be a 'bird song'.  African Greys don't really have voices of their own, but their voices are borrowed from any other sound source around them.  Conrad's daily 'song' consists of speaking (in my voice!), whistles, human sounds (laughter, belching, passing gas, sneezing, coughing!), many, many household sounds, and the list can continue forever.  The sounds included in these songs remains fairly consistent, but will change over time.    When I bought Conrad from his previous owners in 2001, his 'song' consisted of human baby sounds, and conversations between Marnie / Billy, the couple that owned him.  His song even included a wide range of sports sounds" "How 'bout them Cowboys?" - "Go, Rams! Go, Rams!" - "Cardinals, Cardinals, Cardinals!", and crows cheering, and even the "Charge" music and theme.

Although Conrad's daily song still includes a tiny baby crying (that tiny baby would now be 12 - 13 years old!), I only occasionally hear the once-more-common sports themes.  Mind you, I haven't watched or listened to a game on TV or radio in my entire life!

African Grays have more insight into their lives than most people understand.  They have the average IQ and emotional needs of a 4 yr. old human child.  Any of you out there that has spent any time at all around a 4 yr. old child should readily admit that they are advanced little creatures!  They are capable of using tools, forming fairly complex sentences, and expressing their wants and needs, as well as play activity, etc.  They are also capable of learning, using and retaining the information they have acquired.  Everything that can be said for the development of a 4 yr. old child - including potty training! - applies to an African Gray parrot.  For more insight on the subject, pay close attention to this video. Many more videos featuring Alex and Dr. Pepperburg can be found on YouTube.  They only issue I have with Diane Sawyer's narration during the video is that, on at least two occasions, she says that "Alex was more of a genius in the parrot world."  Not so. Alex was purchased quite randomly from a pet store for the purpose of this 30 year experiment:  To determine the level of parrot intelligence. My issue is that Alex was no more of a genius among his peers than id any other African Gray parrot.  With slight varying degrees to allow for individuals within the species, **ALL** African Gray parrots are capable of mastering the same techniques that Alex has mastered.  Alex was just the "poster child!"  he he he 




When I have guests over to the house, I try my best to educate those who approach Conrad and talk "stupid parrot talk" to him. I will kindly say to them, "Please don't talk that way to him!   That is really an insult to Conrad, who talks in either my voice, Billy's voice (from the family that owned him before I did - pre-2001 !), or Mark's voice. He speaks in a HUMAN voice, and not a stupid voice-over you hear when a parrot 'speaks' on Television.  If you talk to him in that voice, in TWO days,  I will hear that same stupid voice come out of him!"  Then, again, there are the stupid bastards that actually try to poke at him, move his toys, or his swing.  I have run more than one person out of my home that wouldn't stop picking at Conrad through his cage. I tell them, "Since he doesn't come to your home and harass you. I will kindly ask you to respect him as a being that is as intelligent, and maybe even more than yourself, and I will ask you to not come to HIS home and harass HIM."  You would not believe some of the blank looks I have received over the years!


To continue:


When toys are bought for an African Gray parrot, the procedure for placing the new toy in the existing cage is very different than most people would imagine.  They can't take the toy home from the pet market and place the toys directly in the cage.  They African Gray would throw SUCH a fit that the toy would have to be removed immediately to avoid having the entire room messed up, and possible injury done to the bird.  I know....I know... The question presents itself, "How can such an intelligent bird be so maladjusted?"  The answer is the same for "Why won't they speak in front of strangers / at animal shows?"  The same intellect that allows an African Grey to clam up at the most inopportune time also allows them to worry themselves to death over any change in their environment or their routines.   African Grays have a strong sense of 'worry'. Worry, in itself, is a complex thought process.


So....


I bring home this toy a YEAR ago.  A lot of African Gray owners will tell you that they have to place the new toy in the same room as the cage, but across the room from it!  Every day, the owner will move the new toy one to two INCHES closer to the cage, until the toy is hanging on the OUTSIDE of the cage. THEN, they let it hang on the outside of the cage for a couple weeks before moving it one-inch-per-day closer to the door of the cage!  Finally, the 'big day' comes, and the toy is moved INSIDE the cage door, but as close to the original spot as it was on the outside of the cage!  Inch-by-inch, day-by-day, the toy is moved closer to the place that it will occupy on a permanent basis in the cage.  If you overlook or hurry any of these steps, I guarantee you that you will live to regret your haste.


The toy pictured below is a "foraging" toy. It requires forethought and action from the bird to retrieve treats that are inside the toy. In this instance, the plastic rings on the toy have a couple holes in the bottom of each ring, opening to the next ring below. According to the bird's achieved skill level, treats can be placed in higher and higher rings, until the treat is ultimately in the clear blue ring at the top - the highest level


Up to this point, Conrad and I have reached the orange level, after graduating from his fear of the thing, then placing treats in the lowest level, to give him the general idea of the thing. 


Conrad will often indicate to me when he 'wants to play' by pecking at the empty chambers of the toy. That is my cue to "get busy", and fill the lower 2 levels with peanuts.


Today, he pecks at the empty chambers, and I get the peanuts to put in the chambers.  Conrad then proceeds to wrestle a peanut out of the appropriate chamber, then hurls the peanut across the room at me!


I said, "Oh, you little ass!", and I picked up the flung peanut from across the room, and refilled the chambers. As quickly as he could, he wrestled the same peanut out of it's chamber, and flung it across the room at me again, all the while glaring down his bill at me!  He was pissed at me for some reason.  Even though he thought it was necessary, he didn't really need to tell me twice!  I left the peanuts out of that toy for the rest of the day.


RECYCLING JUNK MAIL:


Conrad was potty trained before I got him from his previous owners.  I would sit him on the rim of the toilet while I took my morning shower, and he would potty without prompting. After the deed was done, he would announce his accomplishment by saying, "I shit! I shit! huh huh huh (a dull laugh) I shit, I shit!"
When I get him out of his cage, I can have him sitting on my hand, and I can hold him over the bowl of the toilet, and say, "Go Potty!"  He will take a birdie dump and say, "Shit, bird!  Shit, bird!"  It is pointless for me to say that one of his previous owners - over 10 years ago - didn't like him.  That would be Billy, the husband


Conrad was a college graduation gift for the woman that raised him from the time he hatched from an egg. Her father gave her a choice: A car or a parrot. She chose Conrad. 


Marnie, his 'birth mother',  raised Conrad from an egg and fed him with an eye dropper because his eyes were still closed. That is TOO young to adopt a baby parrot, but I digress. In any case, he survived his early adoption, and was raised by a woman until her marriage.  As another point of interest, out of the thousands of phrases that Conrad says, he speaks only one word in a woman's voice: "Hello!", and he can say "HELLO!" in many different ways, all but one of them is in a man's voice.  The clincher:  The woman's voice that he speaks in for that ONE WORD is **not** the woman that raised him, but it is her best friend's voice!


Anywho....Conrad is somewhat potty trained, but that cannot be relied upon 100% of the time.  All birds are influenced by evolution, one way or the other.  Most parrots eat away from their nests, and don't really care where scraps of food fall.  They are VERY messy little beings!  I often change the layer of paper on the bottom of Conrad's cage once and often twice a week. If you look at his cage between cleanings, you would be inclined to think that I hadn't touched it in months. They are, indeed, messy.


As luck would have it, I do not have to use any type of new paper to line the bottom of his cage. I use junk mail!  Is it a bad 'sign of the times' when we get more junk in the mail than I possibly use to line the bottom of a parrot's large, messy cage with twice-a-week cleanings?  I can only imagine all the millions of tons of paper that could be saved by not sending any of that crap to our doors!


- Michael

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