Buying a live (Digital!) chicken in Guadalajara!
I have had a cell phone in some form or other (and usually its most basic form) for over 13 years.
Mark is on my plan, and our bill is $68 a month - for 2 phones. That is not $138, but a total of $68. We have 1,000 minutes, and have never used more than 60 minutes in any month to talk to anyone other than to each other (which is free for probably all carriers at this point).
The subject of this blog is about unnecessary charges, and unnecessary or redundant technology. It is not about chickens or Guadalajara!
I will, however, be referring to a line in an episode of "Designing Women". The "O, What a Feeling" episode.
Let me catch you up to speed.
The exact moment that I am referring to: (7:32 in this video)
Or, to catch up, watch the entire episode:
Part I:
Part II (the "Buying a Chicken in Guadalajara" is at 7:32 in this video):
In summary, the character Mary Jo walks into an auto dealership a bit later than the other 3 ladies, and the remaining women (Julia, Suzanne and Charlene) are trying to buy a van to replace their van which is broken down along the highway.
Before Mary Jo's arrival on the scene, the 3 women were reluctantly, but progressively becoming victims of the salesman's tactics.
Mary Jo arrives in time to save them some money! She says to the dealer, "Let me see those papers!" He hands them to her, and she says, "um hmmm! It's a $600 orange!" When the salesman questioned her intent, she asked him, "Have you ever bought a live chicken in Guadalajara?"
The salesman says, "I'm lost!" Mary Jo continues, "Well, when they first give you the price, it sounds pretty good. Then..... there is a charge to *kill* the chicken...and a charge to pluck the chicken..... then a charge to cut the chicken's head off, but even in Guadalajara, they don't have the nerve to charge a Processing Fee. What is that?" and the story continues.
Basically, the moral of this story is about stupid, hidden charges, and she systematically eliminated them before writing the check for the new van.
I can't possibly remember all the times that I have been confronted with a cell phone salesman in the middle of a mall. When I tell them that an additional charge for a data package (which is needed to get that particular cell phone to work at all!) is ridiculous, I have a hand-held GPS that works perfectly, and I have a lap top and 4 other computers at home if any computing needs to be done. I tell them that if they can give me *all* of these things on two phones for $68, I will fill out the paperwork now, and hand them my credit card. I wish just once you could see the salesman running in the opposite direction from me, and I am following them!
Then...oh, then..... I tell them the entire story about "buying a chicken in Guadalajara", and I also tell the salesperson that when the price of that 'chicken' falls to below the price I am already paying, and it is all inclusive , I will be the first in line to buy one! It will happen. Sooner or later, it will happen. Until then, when I am traveling through Guadalajara, as so to speak, I am an exclusive vegetarian!
A) On one hand, I can count the number of people that have my cell phone number.
B) I do not and will not answer my cell phone while driving my vehicle. That is a dangerous practice - yes, even for you, too!
In fact, unless I am using a Blue-tooth enabled device, I turn my cell phone off before when I leave the house, and I don't turn it back on until I return home.
C) Texting. Really? I mean c'mon! Is there anything on the planet so damned important, or urgent that you can't CALL the person instead of sending them garbled alphanumeric information? I have never sent a text message, I do not return them, and nor do I plan on doing so in the future. Texting is one of the many moths that are rapidly eating their way through the fabric of today's society. Your children and grandchildren are graduating high school without knowing proper English, and if they don't care about their own language, do you think they are going to learn a foreign language?
While we're going down this road, I would like to add:
Learning a foreign language not only teaches you more about your own language and culture, but it also encourages learning about the cultures of other people that share this planet, and you will become increasingly aware that the universe revolves around every soul on this planet, instead of only those that inhabit this country, which is a common misconception.
While we're going down this road, I would like to add:
Learning a foreign language not only teaches you more about your own language and culture, but it also encourages learning about the cultures of other people that share this planet, and you will become increasingly aware that the universe revolves around every soul on this planet, instead of only those that inhabit this country, which is a common misconception.
Along the same lines, if somebody chooses to send me an e-mail or an instant message on-line, they really need to type in complete sentences. If they do not, they will not receive a reply from me. To paraphrase the game Wheel of Fortune, "If I am not important enough for you to spend enough time and energy for you to 'buy a vowel', as so to speak, then I don't care enough to waste my own time and energy to reply to you."
The moral of this saga:
A) Don't try to 'sell me a chicken in Guadalajara. You won't be pleased with the results.
B) The merchandise you *do* manage to sell me needs to be of quality.
C) Cell phones **ARE NOT HOBBIES**, nor do they hone any worthy skills or talents that will increase your general worth as an asset to this planet.
I would beseech you to invest in the time and energy required to refine a real skill that you can be proud of, and that will beautify this planet in some form or fashion, and that won't drain your wallet, and leave you empty handed. (After you pay that hefty cell phone bill, what are you left with - that you can hold in your hand? I will venture a guess: NOTHING.)
D) Addressed to all cell phone carriers:
Can you give me two 'smart phones' that have the best quality of service (internet speeds, etc), unlimited EVERYTHING at no additional charge for less than $68 / month, total, for both phones? If you can - please contact me! Although I am not much of a gambler, I would be willing to bet that such a 'plan' doesn't exist.
Until such time that one DOES exist, please don't bother me - and pedal your chickens elsewhere. Guadalajara, perhaps?
- Michael
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