Buying a live (Digital?) chicken in Guadlaraja

Buying a live (Digital!) chicken in Guadalajara!

I have had a cell phone in some form or other (and usually its most basic form) for over 13 years.

Mark is on my plan, and our bill is $68 a month - for 2 phones.  That is not $138, but a total of $68.  We have 1,000 minutes, and have never used more than 60 minutes in any month to talk to anyone other than to each other (which is free for probably all carriers at this point).

The subject of this blog is about unnecessary charges, and unnecessary or redundant technology.  It is not about chickens or Guadalajara!  

I will, however, be referring to a line in an episode of "Designing Women".  The "O, What a Feeling" episode.

Let me catch you up to speed.

The exact moment that I am referring to: (7:32 in this video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=872MLRnFzjc&feature=player_detailpage#t=450s

Or, to catch up, watch the entire episode:

Part I:

Part II (the "Buying a Chicken in Guadalajara" is at 7:32 in this video):

In summary, the character Mary Jo walks into an auto dealership a bit later than the other 3 ladies, and the remaining women (Julia, Suzanne and Charlene) are trying to buy a van to replace their van which is broken down along the highway.

Before Mary Jo's arrival on the scene, the 3 women were reluctantly, but progressively becoming victims of the salesman's tactics. 

Mary Jo arrives in time to save them some money!  She says to the dealer, "Let me see those papers!"  He hands them to her, and she says, "um hmmm! It's a $600 orange!"  When the salesman questioned her intent, she asked him, "Have you ever bought a live chicken in Guadalajara?"

The salesman says, "I'm lost!"  Mary Jo continues, "Well, when they first give you the price, it sounds pretty good.  Then..... there is a charge to *kill* the chicken...and a charge to pluck the chicken.....  then a charge to cut the chicken's head off, but even in Guadalajara, they don't have the nerve to charge a Processing Fee. What is that?"  and the story continues. 

Basically, the moral of this story is about stupid, hidden charges, and she systematically eliminated them before writing the check for the new van.  

I can't possibly remember all the times that I have been confronted with a cell phone salesman in the middle of a mall. When I tell them that an additional charge for a data package (which is needed to get that particular cell phone to work at all!) is ridiculous, I have a hand-held GPS that works perfectly, and I have a lap top and 4 other computers at home if any computing needs to be done.  I tell them that if they can give me *all* of these things on two phones for $68, I will fill out the paperwork now, and hand them my credit card.  I wish just once you could see the salesman running in the opposite direction from me, and I am following them!

Then...oh, then..... I tell them the entire story about "buying a chicken in Guadalajara", and I also tell the salesperson that when the price of that 'chicken' falls to below the price I am already paying, and it is all inclusive , I will be the first in line to buy one!  It will happen.  Sooner or later, it will happen.  Until then, when I am traveling through Guadalajara, as so to speak, I am an exclusive vegetarian!

A) On one hand, I can count the number of people that have my cell phone number.

B) I do not and will not answer my cell phone while driving my vehicle.  That is a dangerous practice - yes, even for you, too!

In fact, unless I am using a Blue-tooth enabled device, I turn my cell phone off before when I leave the house, and I don't turn it back on until I return home.

C) Texting. Really?  I mean c'mon!  Is there anything on the planet so damned important, or urgent that you can't CALL the person instead of sending them garbled alphanumeric information?  I have never sent a text message, I do not return them, and nor do I plan on doing so in the future.  Texting is one of the many moths that are rapidly eating their way through the fabric of today's society.  Your children and grandchildren are graduating high school without knowing proper English, and if they don't care about their own language, do you think they are going to learn a foreign language?

While we're going down this road, I would like to add:

Learning a foreign language not only teaches you more about your own language and culture, but it also encourages learning about the cultures of other people that share this planet, and you will become increasingly aware that the universe revolves around every soul on this planet, instead of only those that inhabit this country, which is a common misconception.  

Along the same lines, if somebody chooses to send me an e-mail or an instant message on-line, they really need to type in complete sentences.  If they do not, they will not receive a reply from me.  To paraphrase the game Wheel of Fortune, "If I am not important enough for you to spend enough time and energy for you to 'buy a vowel', as so to speak, then I don't care enough to waste my own time and energy to reply to you."

The moral of this saga:

A) Don't try to 'sell me a chicken in Guadalajara.  You won't be pleased with the results.

B) The merchandise you *do* manage to sell me needs to be of quality.

C) Cell phones **ARE NOT HOBBIES**, nor do they hone any worthy skills or talents that will increase your general worth as an asset to this planet.
     I would beseech you to invest in the time and energy required to refine a real skill that you can be proud of, and that will beautify this planet in some form or fashion, and that won't drain your wallet, and leave you empty handed.  (After you pay that hefty cell phone bill, what are you left with - that you can hold in your hand?  I will venture a guess:  NOTHING.) 

D) Addressed to all cell phone carriers:

Can you give me two 'smart phones' that have the best quality of service (internet speeds, etc), unlimited EVERYTHING at no additional charge for less than $68 / month, total, for both phones?  If you can - please contact me!  Although I am not much of a gambler, I would be willing to bet that such a 'plan' doesn't exist.

Until such time that one DOES exist, please don't bother me - and pedal your chickens elsewhere.  Guadalajara, perhaps?

- Michael

I thought it was cool THEN...and it is cool now... Retro!

This entire blog was inspired by a news clip that I saw yesterday on a local shop, "The Future Antiques of America", also known locally in St. Louis as "TFA". 100% of their merchandise is original mid-century modern classic furniture, clothing, and household items.  I have purchased a few things from this store, including a hard-to-find specialty piano role for my J Chein mini player piano.

I have always been attracted to vintage...everything!  In my belief system, vintage is anything more than 30 years old.  That would include "up to the late 1970's".

I do know folks who are excellent at incorporating up-to-date modern decor with antiques, and items from all eras.  While this is the best way to 'have your cake, and eat it too', I marvel at the attention to detail that is heeded in designing a space that is themed to the max!

When I was growing up (late 1960's - early 1980's), decor, clothing and other items from the mid-century to the early 1980's would have been in vogue.  However, my parents would never concern themselves with anything fashionable - period.  "I'm just sayin', and I'm only keeping it real."  I have photographic proof, if it is needed.  They haven't changed their ways, either.  I have learned how to live my live by exception, rather than following in their footsteps.

I absolutely refuse to be bound by the same self-inflicted chains that run and have ruined their lives.  Therefore, I embrace both the old and the new.

There are many spaces that I would choose to be my ultimate dream home. I am fond of an overly busy Moroccan, Indian (India) or other Middle Eastern space as well as I am attracted to an extremely sleek, clean, minimalistic space.  Mark and I have had lengthy conversations about how difficult the jobs of an architect and an interior decorator would be is money were limitless, and I had free reign over the design of my living space.

With that being acknowledged, the current home we live in was built in 195, with the back great room added in the early 1960's.  The kitchen is stuck in a bad 1970's sit com, and I wouldn't change a thing.  The back great room screams 1960's, with it's slanted roof, indirect florescent lighting along the length of the ceiling, original paneled walls, built-in shelving and a stone floor with huge grout lines.

"Our '60's Great Room":

(Note the sloped roof, and the indirect fluorescent lighting the full length of the room, and the grout lines on that floor!)

A second view:

I wouldn't change a thing about this space, and I would happily hunt down anyone that attempted to do so. If you have ever seen any of HGTV's shows that have to do with decorating or "flipping this house", you will have a front row seat on the bastardization of American design and decorating.  This country has a reputation all over the world for rapidly destroying it's history, or what little history we have to begin with.  The shows that I have mentioned are serving only to teach people how to do something less detail oriented, with less effort, and on-the-fly.

Back to my retro home:

This video clip ran recently on a local St. Louis news station, and featured a local shop, The Future Antiques of America ("TFA")  The clip in no way does the store justice, but it does give a general idea of the merchandise they carry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAom9NsLRbU

The Future Antiques of America's web site:

http://www.tfa50s.com/MainPage.htm

The folks at TFA go to the same haunts that I do - estate sales.  Most of the estate sales that I go to every weekend have the same items that are in the TFA store.  It's just a matter of who gets there first - myself, or their pickers! - and who wants it the most!

Mark hates anything vintage, because his late aunt had a room that was full of vintage furnishings, and that room was "off limits".  Please allow me to be the first to tell you that there isn't another person on this planet that has the power to make me neither despise nor love anything.  Those are my choices, and choices that I choose to make alone.   I love it all!  Through unparalleled vigilance and some sneaky purchasing tactics, I always seem to get my way.

I have had this lamp since I was a child:

 

Look up "panther TV lamp on eBay."  The retro store in the clip that I posted at the beginning of this blog sells these lamps upwards of $75.  This lamp sits on one of my Hammond organs, which by chance, is retro, too!

  This is my 1969 Hammond E-100.  The attached speaker, a Leslie 122 is sitting across the room.  I have a 1963 Hammond A-100 with its own Leslie 122 in an adjacent music room.  Note the lovely painting above the organ!  I paid $10 for that painting at an antique store, and walked across the parking lot to another antique store, saw the same painting with a rip in it - for $165.  The panther TV lamp that is in the picture above the organ is providing the uplight on the organ in the picture.

I also have a 1966 Wurlitzer Electric piano:

This is a video of the Wurli Electric piano in action:

That lovely 3D ship painting!:

 

(Hammond A-100 with Leslie 122 speaker identical to my rig

Get those damned plants off the organ and speaker!  It's an instrument,

not a fern stand!)

A video of the Hammond A-100 / Leslie 122 speaker. Actually, it is me playing my own Hammond A-100 and piano in a 'clone situation.

But...but.... I also have two sets of the huge glass grapes!  I have always been intrigued by those!

Just a few feet away from the glass grapes, and hanging near my Hammond E-100 is an oil rain lamp, the Grist Mill version. (BTW - I am still looking for a matching 36" hanging Venus rain lamp to hang on the opposite side of the organ!

 

(I bought my lamp in excellent condition at a flea market for $15!  The same lamp is priced at $250 on eBay.)

My next quest (and they are more rare than you would think):

Another estate sale find brought us 2 Wasilly chairs.  These chairs are an example of an item that appears to fit into an era or a decade, but they are, in fact, from a much earlier period.  These chairs were invented in 1925 - 1926, but appear to be from the 1950's or 1960's.  There are wonderful bargains to be found at estate sales.  We shopped at the House of Denmark furniture store, and these chairs are available (on sale) for $1,600.  Regular price: $2,200.  I got both chairs for $225 - for the pair!

A good description of  the Wassilly Chairs:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wassily_Chair

1) An original Egg Pod chair:

    An original Egg Pod chair in *EXCELLENT* condition is between $5, 000 - 8,000.  An original egg pod chair in *BAD* condition, and in need of complete restoration is $1,000 - 1,500!

2. A Spaghetti lamp:

    They are not rare, and not horribly expensive.  I just haven't made the purchase yet.  There are a lot of these lamps out there, in all shapes and sizes.  Choices, choices, choices!  They come in swag, pole lamps, desk many other types of lamps

Only 2 items on my wish list?  My first thought was, "I wish my life was that simple!" .... and then I thought about it for a fraction of a second.  Let me rephrase that thought, "I am thrilled that I am a much more complex person!"

It would be much easier expressed as, "Every weekend I go to estate sales, and most of them feature both vintage furnishings and vintage clothing.  If I brought home everything that appealed to me, I would need to buy my entire subdivision to house all my treasures!"

- Michael