Thump, Thump! Who's There?

Oh, the joys of both Erb's Palsy and Gunstock Deformity:

I have woke up in the morning, and found a DEAD arm on my own chest. Thinking, "Who the HELL is in bed with me?", with my left arm, I pick up this strange arm, and then I still can't determine who the arm belongs to. I drop the offending limb, and it lands with a LOUD THUMP! on my chest, knocking the wind out of myself. THEN, I get brave and starting at the fingers, I follow the arm up to the shoulder, before I finally make the determination that it IS ATTACHED TO ME!

After I have a little laugh at how silly I have been, I get out of bed. Er...... I TRY to get out of bed (Ever try to get out of bed with just one arm when you're old??) After several failed attempts, all of which resulted me falling back into the bed and landing face-up on my back, exasperated, with all the energy and determination that I have remaining in my body, I get up as much momentum as possible, and I fling myself from the bed into a standing position.

THEN.....OH, THEN......

the offending right arm - still very dead to the world - absolutely no sensation AT ALL - comes flying back at me. Gunstock Deformity leaves a permanent, very noticeable 'crook' in my right arm that can't be straightened out. This bent arm can give me a very deadly aim that I don't necessarily welcome in my life. My floppy, but crooked arm aims my hand in the right direction: hand punches myself in the crotch. It is at that point that,. while writhing in pain, and trying to catch my breath from that searing pain that I decide that I could remain lying flat on my back on the bed, with BOTH arms by my side until I regain both sensation and what functionality that I have left back in my right arm before I try to get out of bed again!

(Embarrassingly, this has happened to me at least 3 or 4 times in my life, and I think my 'fun' is far from over!)  :D

- Michael

You Have Your Idols - He Has His

(Note to the uninitiated:  Conrad is an 18 yr. old African Grey Parrot!)

After 11 seasons, you'd think that I would catch on quicker.

I finally figured out what pushes Conrad's "More Octane" button on his flame-thrower hooked bill. - on some mornings. (Pure lunacy and being jealous that he isn't getting fed first account for the other 6 mornings of the week!)

He's a bit more caustic on mornings AFTER we watch Hell's Kitchen! I think Gordon Ramsey is one of his idols.

This morning, he greets me with, "Good Morning, Michael! Come here to me, I need to talk to you!" I know it's a ploy to get me to give him an earlier breakfast. I walk over to his cage and respond with, "What?"

Out of the blue, and off the top of his little birdie lungs, he yells spasmodically (Like Gordon barking orders!):

"You're a f*cking ZOO! I love you, F*cker!"

My answer, "I love you too, you little psycho!

(A few mornings when Mark has been home from work, and Conrad is putting more energy into demanding his breakfast, Mark will go to Conrad's cage and ask him:

"Isn't that the reason your birth mother sold you down the river, in the first place?"

It's true. Besides being a product of a divorce (where he learned his favorite noun - "Whore"), and even though he has never said a single word in the voice of the woman that raised him for 7 years, even though she fed him from a syringe before his eyes were open, Conrad was jealous of his birth mother's relationship with her HUMAN son, and he demanded to be fed his morning scrambled eggs before her son got his first bottle.

He would throw a fit, and food, feathers, etc, would gain momentum flying around the room - EVERY MORNING. That routine is, indeed familiar.

- Michael

Spring 2013 St. Louis Events and Venues

This is by no means intended to be a comprehensive list of events in the St. Louis.  This is a list of my own personal favorite Spring events and venues in the St. Louis area.  Your mileage may vary!





One of two large Greek Fests in the St. Louis area.  St. Louis hosts one festival in the county and in the spring, and the other festival is held over Labor Day weekend in the city.

(Honestly, it is less about the religion, and ALL ABOUT THE FANTASTIC AUTHENTIC GREEK FOOD!)

All the Ouzo you can drink ( a couple shots is all you want or need!)
I loves me some Spanakopita!
Here is a primer on authentic Greek food:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_food

St. Louis County's Greek Fest:

We Invite You to ''Experience A Taste of Greece Without The Airfare'', this Memorial Day Weekend, May 24th - 27th at the St. Louis County Greek Fest held at:

The Assumption Greek Orthodox Church
1755 Des Peres Road
Town & Country, MO
(Off Manchester Rd., near West County Mall)

Another Word to the Wise:
Do your homework:

'Get there EARLY.  If you think it would 'be a good idea to go for lunch, please understand that thousands of people have THE SAME IDEA, and you will be waiting in line for a while.  Park out, and take the free shuttle in to the event.  Again - if you wait 'till lunch time', you might as well wait a bit until lunch is over, otherwise you will be waiting an hour or more for a seat on the shuttle, in which case, it would behoove you to walk the couple blocks to the event, rather than wait for the trolley.)

It will be fun for the entire family featuring great Greek Food and Pastries, Live Greek Music and Dancers, Gift Shops, Church Tours and a Kids Corner.

Enjoy yourselves Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 11 am to 9 pm, and Monday from 11 am to 8 pm.

Visit Us At http://stlgreekfest.com or Call 314-966-2255 for more information

St. Louis Symphony Gypsy Caravan -

The largest single-day flea market in the St. Louis area

Since 1973, the St. Louis Symphony Volunteer Association has presented one of the largest antique, craft and flea markets in the Midwest, raising more than $3.5 million in support of the STL Symphony.

Gypsy Caravan vendors come from 20 states and sell something for everyone: antiques, collectibles, crafts, jewelry, furniture, clothing, imports, yard art and more!

I have gone to this flea market for 18 years. (Hopefully, the rain will go away for a couple days!)  My purchases over the years have ranged from home decor that I still use to this day, musical instruments, food items, household tools, and much, much more.

An admission is charged for this event, and proceeds go to the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra,  the second-oldest symphony orchestra in the United States, preceded only by the New York Philharmonic.

Without fail, I always buy Early Bird tickets to avoid the huge gush of people at the gate at 9:00 AM, and I have never been disappointed that I spent a little more money for a better chance at relatively unobstructed shopping!

(A WORD TO THE WISE:  Unless you use your early advantage to shop the vendor booths that are located in the covered parking garage, I wouldn't spring for Early Bird tickets if it's raining.  A lot of outdoor vendors won't bring full tents, and they won't set up their booth until the rain stops.)

Event Details:

41st Annual Gypsy Caravan
Monday, May 27, 2013, 7:00am-5:00pm (rain or shine)

Campus of the University of Missouri-St. Louis

ON SALE NOW! Purchase advance tickets and save on admission!

BUY NOW! - Early Bird Admission (7-9am): $17.50 ($20 at the gate)
BUY NOW! - General Admission (9am-5pm): $8.50 ($10 at the gate)

Call the Powell Hall Box Office at 314-534-1700 to order by phone. Box Office sales close at 5pm on Friday, May 17.

NEW! Discounted admission also available for purchase now through Monday, May 27 at area Dierbergs Markets.

Admission for children under 12 to Gypsy Caravan is free at all times.