(Note to the uninitiated: Conrad is an 18 yr. old African Grey Parrot!)
After 11 seasons, you'd think that I would catch on quicker.
I finally figured out what pushes Conrad's "More Octane" button on his flame-thrower hooked bill. - on some mornings. (Pure lunacy and being jealous that he isn't getting fed first account for the other 6 mornings of the week!)
He's a bit more caustic on mornings AFTER we watch Hell's Kitchen! I think Gordon Ramsey is one of his idols.
This morning, he greets me with, "Good Morning, Michael! Come here to me, I need to talk to you!" I know it's a ploy to get me to give him an earlier breakfast. I walk over to his cage and respond with, "What?"
Out of the blue, and off the top of his little birdie lungs, he yells spasmodically (Like Gordon barking orders!):
"You're a f*cking ZOO! I love you, F*cker!"
My answer, "I love you too, you little psycho!
(A few mornings when Mark has been home from work, and Conrad is putting more energy into demanding his breakfast, Mark will go to Conrad's cage and ask him:
"Isn't that the reason your birth mother sold you down the river, in the first place?"
It's true. Besides being a product of a divorce (where he learned his favorite noun - "Whore"), and even though he has never said a single word in the voice of the woman that raised him for 7 years, even though she fed him from a syringe before his eyes were open, Conrad was jealous of his birth mother's relationship with her HUMAN son, and he demanded to be fed his morning scrambled eggs before her son got his first bottle.
He would throw a fit, and food, feathers, etc, would gain momentum flying around the room - EVERY MORNING. That routine is, indeed familiar.
- Michael
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