Would you like some Dead Sea Salt on your wounds?

Yesterday, I got accidentally trapped by a young lady selling 'Dead Sea salts' at a mall kiosk in West County Mall.  She said, "Let me see the back of your hands."  A part of me wanted to seize the moment, and give her a pop upside her head with the back of my hand, but I obliged her:
I showed her the back of my hands.  

She said, "Yep!  Dry skin! Come over here, I have just what you need for dry skin!"  

I said, "Ma'am, the back of my hands are dry because I have a genetic condition called Psoriasis, and 30% of psoriasis sufferes have the associated Psoratic Arthritis that can accompany Psoriasis, which gives me daily severe migraines, which puts me in a not-very-friendly mood, if you know what I mean." 

She said, "I have a salt that cures psoriasis!"
I said, "Why don't you just go ahead on and send me to Hell to finish buring, so I will be in good company!  The very idea of putting ANYTHING with the word 'salt' on psoriasis is counter-intuitive to any person with the disease!"

I looked at her and said, "Along those same lines, I bet you would tell a Crohn's patient that Mylanta will cure their Crohn's, too, eh? Psoriasis is in the same autoimmune disease group as Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Crohn's Disease, Celiac disease, and literally 75 other autoimmune diseases.  THERE IS NO CURE FOR ANY OF THOSE DISEASES.  They are not cured.  They are, at best, managed!"

She was not bright enough to stop while she thought she was ahead of the deal. 

This kiosk saleslady tells me, "Tell me, What do you know about psoriasis?"

I answered her, "OK, I'll play along.  I know that all psoriasis sufferes are born with it, they will live with it, and they will take it to their graves.  It is a genetic disease that is in every bit of DNA that is in every cell of their body.  At this point in medical history, there is no cure for psoriasis, and most of the prescription medications available will serve only to reduce the bloody or scaly patches to hot pink blotches, but it won't clear up the lesions.  If you have a previously unknown miracle cure for psoriasis in that kiosk you're operating, and considering that 1 in 1,000 people on this planet suffer from this disease, in the St. Louis population, alone, you would have a line running from your kiosk, down the mall, out the door, and down Manchester Ave.  Of the 2.5 million in the St. Louis Metro area, 25,000 of us have Psoriasis, and 1/3 of that number have an accompanying arthritis."

With much doubt in her tone, she answered me, "Are you SURE?"
I quickly responded with, "Uh, YEAH!  I think I pretty much 'Got This'!"  Then, I continued with....

"Look, lady!  I have a professional nursing liscense (LPN) in my pocket, which puts me in the running - just ahead of you, at any rate - as an expert opinion AND I have the disease, myself - and at the moment, you're nothing but a mall kiosk operator that knows only to take what your management has told you, instead of doing your own homework.  A simple internet search on your PHONE will give you more education than you have at this very moment."

I turned and walked away.  As you might have guessed, this woman started following me down the mall, continuing her ill-informed sales pitch, until I immediately turned and gave he a look that you would have to see to understand.  At that point, she turned and walked briskly back to her kiosk.  

My psoriasis story:

Lucky me, I am in the 30% of psoriasis suffers that have the accompanying psoriatic arthritis, which sends me to physical therapy once a week, and is responsible for most of the contents of my medicine cabinet.  :)

Another twist to this storied saga is that I have nasty allergic reactions if I use a commercial hand lotion more than once on my skin.

The more natural the product (pure almond oil - from a natural food store, olive oil, etc), the better it is for my skin.  BUT....after a couple hours, I can be walking through Walmart, and I suddenly get a whiff of French Fries, and the smell is coming from me!

A few years back, my dermatologist prescribed a cream that was $600 / month, and it is toxic to the liver.  He wanted me to put on a rubber glove, then rub it over the 500 lesions that I had on my body!  I said, "What the .... ?"

(The cream reduced the scaly scabs to hot pink patches, but it never truly cleared the psoriasis.)

He said, "Either use the cream, or go outside as much as possible! If you don't have the time to lay out in the sun, get a membership to a tanning salon, and if you don't have time to go to one, buy your own tanning bed!"

For two years, I paid a monthly fee to go to a tanning salon.  Within the first two weeks, every psoriasis lesion I had on my body was 100% clear. I couldn't even where they had been.

After two years of going 3 times a week to the tanning salon, I bought a $4,000 professional full-size tanning bed.  It lives in my basement, and I 'visit' it for a half hour every day.  I even have to SIT on it to tan my...well...you know....because psoriasis is an EVIL genetic disease that will attack every spot where 'the sun doesn't shine'.

I asked the dermatologist about my risk for skin cancer.  He told me that my benefit outweighs my risk, and that he would monitor me.  

I had a choice:  Look like a leper or look like the love child from George Hamilton and Moses.  I chose the Moses / George thing!  :)  

While we're on the subject of Dead Sea Salt mall kiosks, it seems like some other folks have also had experience with these worse-than-used-car salespeople:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8835155


- Michael

You Make (Made) Me Feel...

I do have to take issue with the "you make me feel" stuff floating around.

In much the same manner as "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is nothing - and I mean *NOTHING* - more than a quote from a movie ("Love Story"), "You Make Me Feel" is 'just a wonderful disco dance tune', and nothing more.  If you choose to center your life around either one of these quotes, the quality of your short time on this Earth probably won't be as good as you had hoped it would be. 

A good parallel explanation would be Marilyn Manson's quote:

"If they think that my art can destroy their faith, then their faith is rather fragile!"

Put into our context:

"If they can get into your head and manipulate your feelings, then your guard mechanisms are rather fragile."

Nobody can crawl into your head and make you feel anything without your permission, and in fact, without you opening up that door and welcoming them in.

(Good God, I'm going to quote a vampire movie!)

It's kinda like in the movie "Fright Night", when they said, "A vampire can't enter your home without first being welcomed in."

When I hear somebody say, "You made me feel....", I think to myself:

"Damn!  You just moved your weak spot - your Achille's Heel - from your foot to your entire head, and by telling that person that they were successful in their attempts to get into your head, you essentially held a virtual bull's eye target against your skull so that person would be sure to hit that target again the next time!"

When the wheat is separated from the chaff, it quickly becomes clear that "how you feel" occurs entirely in your head, and when a conscious effort is applied, we choose whether or not to let other people in our head, or to kick them to the curb.  You have 100% control over your thoughts.  It is entirely up to you.


- Michael

The Storytone Piano....the world's first practical electric piano

I want one of these, too!  But....eBay prices are $19,900 - $250,000!

How fantastic would this wonderful creation look in my 1960's great room?

  

The Storytone Piano is an early electric piano which had strings with magnetic pickups and tube amplification. Even though it has no real soundboard, it weighs one-and-a half tons!

 

A couple clips of this piano playing on YouTube:

Gotta love it!

- Michael

All Dodge Rams are trucks, but not all trucks are Dodge Rams

On the subject of battles that I will never win AND pianos:

This week, I walked into The Antique Emporium on Manchester Ave. here in St. Louis.  This is a fantastic antique mall-type shop with exquisite and unique upscale antiques and other findings.

The Antique Emporium moved 'down the street' recently to another building.  When I visited this shop in it's previous location, the Emporium usually had 2 - 3 grand pianos for sale at any given time, offered for sale by different people who rented that particular booth.

A couple weeks back, I visited this shop in i's new location, and I immediately noted a beautiful 1970 Chickering grand piano in the room adjacent to the entrance of this shop.  At that particular time, I played that piano for probably a half an hour.  My dear readers that 'fiddle on the keys a bit' will know that both touch and tone are vital factors when selecting 'the right piano for you.'  I play a lot of Scott Joplin rag pieces.  If the piano's action is too loose (the touch is too light), it is almost impossible to play a heavy-handed piece on that piano.  Tone is important, too.  If you don't like the way the piano sounds or feels, it will be difficult to play music in a manner that is at once comfortable, familiar and satisfying.

Anywho.....  to continue, with some back story:

A couple years back, I started looking for an acoustic piano to add to my substantial collection of keyboard instruments.  I played a *LOT* of pianos at music shops, estate sales, etc, and I wasn't finding a good match.  In July 2010, I finally found the best match for me:  A 2010 Kawai 506N upright studio piano.  I couldn't ask for a better tone and the touch on the action feels GREAT.

HOWEVER...... (Don't you just love "Howevers"?)......

Owning a grand piano is on my 'bucket list', and I do really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but with each passing day that we are alive on this planet, our time remaining is getting shorter - not longer.  That 'bucket' will come quicker than most folk are expecting it to arrive.

When I sat down to this 1970 Chickering grand piano at the Antique Emporium, it's tone was WONDERFUL, and it's touch was PERFECT.  That piano and I became instant friends, and I played it for a half an hour before I reluctantly left the store.

A couple days ago, I visited his shop again. When I walked in the front door, the shop owner was at the counter.  During my previous visit, a friendly young lady was working, and the shop keep wasn't present.

I told the owner, "I want that piano in there!" (:::pointing into the adjacent room:::).

She answered me, "The baby grand?"

Instinctively, I quickly peeked around the corner into the room that should have contained the only piano that I had seen a couple weeks earlier.  I knew that in the past, this antique store often had several grand pianos in it's inventory, and I thought that I missed seeing one during my last visit.

When I looked back into the room, I noted the same 1970 Chickering classic Grand piano that I had played previously, and that was the only piano in the room.

I asked the shop owner, "Do you have a new baby grand in stock?  I didn't see one on my last visit a couple weeks ago."  In a near-tiff, and in a somewhat bothered tone, she said, as if I didn't know what I was talking about, "No - the only piano in there!" (:::she was pointing into the same room that I just peeked into:::)

Suddenly, I saw the situation a bit more clearer.  I answered her, "\Oh!  That fantastic Chickering is a 'classic grand', not a 'Baby grand' ! I thought I missed a piano on my last visit, and I was looking for a Baby Grand"

Can I confide in you, dear reader, and tell you that this woman looked at me as if I had just lost my damned mind!

She tried to re-educate me by telling me that "The only difference between pianos is the shape.  There is an upright piano and a Baby Grand!"

Uh.... no.  Most folk believe that all pianos that adding the "Baby" superlative to "Grand" makes the piano a bit 'fancier'.  hey need to learn to leave well enough alone.  That classic grand piano is fancy enough without adding a superlative that doesn't belong to it.

I TRIED to explain the difference to her in this manner:

"In much the same manner as 'All Dodge Rams are trucks, but not all trucks are Dodge Rams', all Baby Grand pianos are grand pianos - but not all grand pianos are Baby Grands!"

I continued by telling her that (depending on the piano maker), "Any grand piano under 6' in length is considered a Baby Grand.  Then, you have the 'regular or classic grand', and the REALLY long grand pianos are Concert Grands."

Even though the 5' 10 1/2" model (in this sample) is pushing the limits a bit, these sizes are usually considered "Baby Grands":



These sizes are usually considered "Regular or Classic" Grands:



These huge, fabulously thundering beasts are considered "Concert Grands":
 

(These particular measurements were taken from Steinway's production models, and may vary between other piano makers, however, the concept remains the same.)

After I tried to enlighten the shop-keep, she once again, she looked at me as if I lost my damned mind.

I truly hope that **I** never allow myself to reach the point where I never question a bit of information that I once considered to be true, but in fact, it is not.  Being flexible, and willing to view ANY subject from a different point of view is, indeed, a gift that I do not take for granted.

I know that "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!" is true, but if he doesn't drink, can I then drown his ass in the pool of water?

I also know that "Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It will only waste your time, and annoy the pig!"

Moving on.....

From the information that I gathered, hat piano had been serviced about 3 months earlier.  The shop owner told me that the work "took 2 days", so I am assuming that it was not only tuned, but the action was possibly re-regulated.  I don't know the name of the piano technician that did the work, but I say, "Kudos to you! That lovely 1970 Chickering classic grand piano sounds and feels lovely!"  The piano's owner has marked the price down from $9,000 to $8,000, and even though that is the 2nd best piano that I have touched in a while (my Kawai being #1 !),. it's still a bit too rich for my blood.

- Michael

Comparing Apples to Motorcycles

That is one of several reasons why I don't watch shows like The X-Factor and American Idol, anymore. The last couple seasons of each show that I DID watch, I would record TV via the cable attached to my computer, and I would immediately fast-forward through any and all judges comments and commercials. It is amazing how fast you can watch an hour show (less than 15 minutes), when you cut out all the crap. When I worked in a large office, after every American Idol show, etc, I would overhear people in the cubicles adjacent to mine talking about last night's show. As God is my witness, I heard them repeat, verbatim, every word the judges said, and these coworkers were repeating the judge's comments as if they were the original ideas and thoughts of each coworker.

After the coworker's comments were made, without fail, I would peak over the cube's wall,  and say to each coworker: "Now that you have repeated the judge's comments, what are your OWN thoughts about the show? And I want you to tell me your own thoughts without using the judge's words." Mouths flew open, and the office grew quiet. The sad part of that story is that we would go through this little routine EVERY WEEK.

Even though I go to every large outdoor (and indoor!) Art Fair and Show in the ST. Louis area, I strongly disagree with judging art - or food or music.  "One man's junk is another man's treasure" applies.

You can't judge a singer like Tina Turner against Sarah Brightman.  These ladies are in 2 different categories, and comparing their music is like comparing apples to motorcycles.  It can't be done.

Judging music (or art or food - or children!) is like dancing to architecture. It can't be done.

I like "this AND that", rather than "this OR that".

TV Host Andrew Zimmern from Bizarre Foods visited the Minnesota State Fair.  A champion baker, winning over 2,500 ribbons including over 1,000 Blue Ribbons met Andrew at the Fair.  When she met him, she said, "Oh, I know who you are!  you're the guy that eats all that 'weird stuff'."  Andrew didn't miss a beat when he lovingly put his arm around her shoulders, and said with a smile:

"No, it's just that my idea of 'Good' is a bit more expansive than most people's (idea of 'Good')."

After his comment, Marjorie recoiled a bit, put her hand to her mouth, and she mumbled, "Oh, I see!"  I think she finally 'got it'.

Translated:  Even though she is a renowned championship baker,  Andrew was telling Marjorie that he really didn't care to join her in her self-imposed, constricted limitations.

Folk should tread lightly when considering judging ANYTHING.

Another quick example:  Indian (food) restaurants.

There are probably 8 Indian restaurants that we frequent on a regular basis.  Each restaurant varies in the foods offered, the number of items on the buffets, the general atmosphere, and their locations.  I like Mayuri (near Olive Blvd. & I-270) because they have a large buffet and they are authentic in their flavors.  I also like Rasoi, in the Central West End.  The items offered are good, and I know the staff very well.  Haveli on Page is a darker atmosphere  with a good buffet.  We know the owner of this restaurant on a personal level, and we always have a friendly chat with her. Mark likes to compare these restaurants.  Even though I do have a favorite, I find it impossible to truly compare them.

It is an inherent part of my existence.  I don't compare children, food, art, music - or much of anything else.

To compare one subject against another will only serve to loose the individual qualities of both.

(The TV networks WANT you to compare singers, etc, for this very reason.  Replace "News Media" with "Reality TV"):

- Michael