Yesterday, I got accidentally trapped by a young lady selling 'Dead Sea salts' at a mall kiosk in West County Mall. She said, "Let me see the back of your hands." A part of me wanted to seize the moment, and give her a pop upside her head with the back of my hand, but I obliged her:
I showed her the back of my hands.
She said, "Yep! Dry skin! Come over here, I have just what you need for dry skin!"
I said, "Ma'am, the back of my hands are dry because I have a genetic condition called Psoriasis, and 30% of psoriasis sufferes have the associated Psoratic Arthritis that can accompany Psoriasis, which gives me daily severe migraines, which puts me in a not-very-friendly mood, if you know what I mean."
She said, "I have a salt that cures psoriasis!"
I said, "Why don't you just go ahead on and send me to Hell to finish buring, so I will be in good company! The very idea of putting ANYTHING with the word 'salt' on psoriasis is counter-intuitive to any person with the disease!"
I looked at her and said, "Along those same lines, I bet you would tell a Crohn's patient that Mylanta will cure their Crohn's, too, eh? Psoriasis is in the same autoimmune disease group as Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Crohn's Disease, Celiac disease, and literally 75 other autoimmune diseases. THERE IS NO CURE FOR ANY OF THOSE DISEASES. They are not cured. They are, at best, managed!"
She was not bright enough to stop while she thought she was ahead of the deal.
This kiosk saleslady tells me, "Tell me, What do you know about psoriasis?"
I answered her, "OK, I'll play along. I know that all psoriasis sufferes are born with it, they will live with it, and they will take it to their graves. It is a genetic disease that is in every bit of DNA that is in every cell of their body. At this point in medical history, there is no cure for psoriasis, and most of the prescription medications available will serve only to reduce the bloody or scaly patches to hot pink blotches, but it won't clear up the lesions. If you have a previously unknown miracle cure for psoriasis in that kiosk you're operating, and considering that 1 in 1,000 people on this planet suffer from this disease, in the St. Louis population, alone, you would have a line running from your kiosk, down the mall, out the door, and down Manchester Ave. Of the 2.5 million in the St. Louis Metro area, 25,000 of us have Psoriasis, and 1/3 of that number have an accompanying arthritis."
With much doubt in her tone, she answered me, "Are you SURE?"
I quickly responded with, "Uh, YEAH! I think I pretty much 'Got This'!" Then, I continued with....
"Look, lady! I have a professional nursing liscense (LPN) in my pocket, which puts me in the running - just ahead of you, at any rate - as an expert opinion AND I have the disease, myself - and at the moment, you're nothing but a mall kiosk operator that knows only to take what your management has told you, instead of doing your own homework. A simple internet search on your PHONE will give you more education than you have at this very moment."
I turned and walked away. As you might have guessed, this woman started following me down the mall, continuing her ill-informed sales pitch, until I immediately turned and gave he a look that you would have to see to understand. At that point, she turned and walked briskly back to her kiosk.
My psoriasis story:
Lucky me, I am in the 30% of psoriasis suffers that have the accompanying psoriatic arthritis, which sends me to physical therapy once a week, and is responsible for most of the contents of my medicine cabinet. :)
Another twist to this storied saga is that I have nasty allergic reactions if I use a commercial hand lotion more than once on my skin.
The more natural the product (pure almond oil - from a natural food store, olive oil, etc), the better it is for my skin. BUT....after a couple hours, I can be walking through Walmart, and I suddenly get a whiff of French Fries, and the smell is coming from me!
A few years back, my dermatologist prescribed a cream that was $600 / month, and it is toxic to the liver. He wanted me to put on a rubber glove, then rub it over the 500 lesions that I had on my body! I said, "What the .... ?"
(The cream reduced the scaly scabs to hot pink patches, but it never truly cleared the psoriasis.)
He said, "Either use the cream, or go outside as much as possible! If you don't have the time to lay out in the sun, get a membership to a tanning salon, and if you don't have time to go to one, buy your own tanning bed!"
For two years, I paid a monthly fee to go to a tanning salon. Within the first two weeks, every psoriasis lesion I had on my body was 100% clear. I couldn't even where they had been.
After two years of going 3 times a week to the tanning salon, I bought a $4,000 professional full-size tanning bed. It lives in my basement, and I 'visit' it for a half hour every day. I even have to SIT on it to tan my...well...you know....because psoriasis is an EVIL genetic disease that will attack every spot where 'the sun doesn't shine'.
I asked the dermatologist about my risk for skin cancer. He told me that my benefit outweighs my risk, and that he would monitor me.
I had a choice: Look like a leper or look like the love child from George Hamilton and Moses. I chose the Moses / George thing! :)
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8835155
- Michael
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