Bye, Bye Borders (and books!)

Starting this Friday, July 30, 2011, all Borders Books stores started their Going-Out-of-Business sales.  They are "selling everything not nailed down", including the fixtures and cafe equipment.


By their own admission, there are several factors that have lead to these store closings. 


1) The economy
2) eBooks


I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't elaborate!  :)


Any catastrophic failure is usually the result of a series of combined events, rather than a single circumstance.  For example, let's consider the sinking of the Titanic.  Yes, I am an amateur sleuth, at best, but off the top of my head, I can name several issues that, when combined, led up to the sinking of the Titanic.   The Titanic could have most likely survived any ONE of these concerns, alone by itself, but in combination, they resulted in the sinking of the Greatest Ship on Earth (at the time).


a) Questionable craftsmanship of the rivets used in the construction of the hull.


b) Only after the sinking of this ship was a double-hull mandatory.  The Titanic's hull was a single thickness.


c) After the sinking, shipping routes were changed to a more southerly route, to avoid iceberg flows.
d) It was night time!  Icebergs could be easily seen during the day.


e) The lack of moonlight made visibility almost impossible.  This was a totally moonless night. Any other phase of the moon would have been more helpful!


f) The night of April 11 - April 12, 1915 was unusually calm.  Even during the night, if there were any waves at all, the foam from the waves crashing on the surface of an iceberg would have been an early warning sign to the men in the crows nest.


g) This ship had, at best, poor maneuverability for it's size.  Emergency maneuvers or hastened moves were out of the question.


h) Even though they still had two boilers that remained unlit, this ship was moving at an excessive rate of speed.  If they were going a bit slower, they would have had more time to react to an emergency situation.


i) There was an iceberg directly in their path!  No iceberg = no sinking!


j) They did not heed iceberg warnings sent via wireless radio from other ships in the area.


....and this list could continue for quite some length.  Here, I have listed just the most obvious circumstances that led to the Titanic's sinking.  Granted, several of these circumstances could not have happened without the presence of another.  For example, if there was no icebergs in the area, iceberg warnings from other ships would have not been issued, in the first place. 


At any rate, had only ONE of these circumstances been true, but the remaining circumstances had not taken place, there is a really good change that the story of the Sinking of the Titanic would not have been told, because it wouldn't have happened.


Another good example would be the Terrorist attacks that were directed at the United States on September 11, 2001. 


(When referring to the events that occurred on September 11, 2001, I **WILL NOT** follow lazy suit and say, "9/11".  How incredibly disrespectful! Can't we honor those that died on that day by at least giving them the dignity - and your TIME - by not bastardizing this tragedy by shortening or abbreviating it's title, TOO?  But the bastardizing and shortening of everything on the damned planet is another topic for another blog!)  Happily continuing......   :)


There are several factors that contributed to the tragic loss of life and property on the morning of September 11, 2001. It wasn't one event of circumstance - it was several.  The obvious events were the attacks on the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and in a field over rural Pennsylvania.  Less obvious, but equal contributors are (at the time) the general lack of airport security, and many, many more factors. 


More elaboration on the multiple factors that brought down Borders is necessary:


1) The economy


I will try my damnedest not to wax political, so I will just leave it at this:


During the duration of recent past Presidential tenures, the economy took a serious downturn.  Even though many people are trying to blame it on the current administration, his job is to make an honest effort at cleaning up the gargantuan-sized hot mess created by his predecessor.  I will readily admit that personally, I would not want to take on that job!


Many of today's young adults have not experienced anything but a bad economy (that started at least 12 years ago!)  They have lived with financial 'hard times' all of their recent memories.


When compared to the average American's income, and unless a serious sale is running, books are by no means an inexpensive adventure.


I have spend thousands of dollars on new books at the long-defunct Walden Books (owned by Borders!), Barnes & Nobles, and Borders.  The subjects that interest me are, minimally stated: VARIED!


I have purchased books on everything from Inderior Decorating (Divinely Decadent by Stephen Calloway) to many, many books on knitting, probably 200 lbs of music books and two books on computer modeling and graphic rendering (for the free downloadable "Blender" modeling program), and a couple cookbooks.


The least expensive books that we have purchased from these book sellers were close-out sale items, at $4.99 - $7.99 each.  The average full-priced book that I have purchased starts at $25, and goes up in price quickly.  Most of my music books were at least $20 - 25, and one that I can recall off the top of my head was $50.  The two books that I bought for the FREE Blender program were $45 each.  With tax included, these books were  $105.  One hundred and five dollars for two books to learn how to use a free program! I don't know why the hell I am complaining, because the prices of many of the other books are much higher than $45.  There is a Lego model version of Frank Lloyd Wright's "Fallingwater" house.  I was interested until I noted the price: $129!  $129 - for a box of Lego bricks that isn't a foot square, total.  If one was in the least bit creative, you could get the Lego blocks, yourself, and construct this project for a mere fraction of the cost of that kit.


Please do not misunderstand the intent of this blog. I am the last person that will bitch about the price of QUALITY items.  For example, I go to national award-winning art shows in the St. Louis area several times a year.  While walking through every show, I will always hear somebody mumbling - or NOT so mumbling! - about the price of the art work. Without a doubt, I know that they aren't aware. nor do the complainers care about:


1) The artists are out of work for 6 months while touring the country, pedaling their wares.


2) The entry requirements for any major art show are simply **unbelievably** difficult.  It is not as simple as signing up and paying your entry fee, my good friends. In fact, I don't know of a single art show where the requirements are that simple!


3) Once you get accepted by the panel of judges (!!!), the price of entry to the St. Louis Art Fair, for example, is $1,500 - $2,000, depending on where the booth is located. 


4) Have you stopped at an art store and looked at the price of materials lately?


5) Most of these artists have spent many years experimenting and refining individual techniques that got them to the Art Show level, in the first place.  Is there any compensation for these years, please?


6) The majority of artists at any art show have to travel across the country - and some from around the world - to get to the shows.  We then have to consider the cost of travel: Wear and tear on a vehicle - including the trailer used to tow your art work, lodging, food, fuel for the vehicle, and any other expense incurred on the road.


Admittedly, I am an amateur artist. I have probably inadvertently overlooked half of the items that should be on this list!


Considering these facts, I think all artists that enter art shows should DOUBLE the prices of their work, and start going up from there!  The only downside of that action would be that the murmurs from the idiots would increase continue, and they would be eliminating more possible sales.  


The moral of this segway: I am the last person that will complain about the price of handmade QUALITY.  I do, however, have a beef when I know most books are mass produced using paper and machines, both of which can function fairly inexpensively. 


In an era where we have to worry about feeding ourselves, health care, housing and general living expenses, you will find that "purchasing an expensive book" to be way down that list of priorities.


2) eBooks


Are you kidding me? Both Barnes & Nobles and Borders sell eBooks - Nooks, etc. 


Call me "old", if you want to, or if you will have it that way, but calling me "old" is better than calling me "dead", if you know what I mean. 


Don't knock on my door asking me to buy an eBook (or asking me to pay for on-line games), or virtually anything that I cannot **HOLD IN MY HAND**.  I will tell you here and now that the answer is, "Thank you, but no THANK YOU!"


In 2 - 3 years, your eBook will be horribly outdated and worthless. Ten years after I am dead, the books that I buy will still be on their shelves. The only effort that has to be applied to get them to be useful is to take them off the shelf, and open the cover!  The money that I spent on those books can be spread over a lifetime.  When your eBook is outdated, or becomes obsolete, all that money you spent on downloading 'books' (that you can't hold in your hand!) will go to waste.  If you really, *really*, need to spend your money, and you would rather spend it on a worthwhile cause, please send it to ME!  I still have the things that I buy. I can still hold them in my hand.  And I can still use them on a daily basis.


Example:  An MP3 player.


The 2 year extended warranty on my 2 gig MP3 player expired 3 years ago!  I bought my 2 gig MP3 player (an iRiver) 6 years ago - for $169  I just checked BestBuy.com for comparable players.  The smallest player that Best Buy offers now is a 4 gig - for $39.  


$39 for 4 gigs will get you twice as much memory on the MP3 player that I have for 1/4 the price!


The only computer that is still compatible with this device is my laptop, which still runs Windows XP.  This MP3 player has no updates that are available, so when my XP-run laptop dies (and it is also 6 years old!), I will have to replace my MP3 player. I use this player 45 minutes a day, every-other-day, and I have since I bought it.


However....


Can I confide in you, because you're my favorite confidant?  OK.  Here goes:


Mark, my significant other, has 4 MP3 players that are sitting on his desk even as we speak, and he has used them a combined total of maybe one hour.    They are all of much newer vintages, and have at least 3 - 4 times the capacity of my MP3 player.  His MP3 players have to be charged via a USB connection, and do not have removable batteries.  They *all* hold a charge for only minutes at a time before needing to be recharged.  MY old MP3 player still uses a single AA battery, and my digital camera uses two AA batteries.  When the charge in the batteries in my camera get so low that the camera won't even power-on, I remove them and save them.  I can run MY old MP3 player for 4 - 6 MONTHS, 45 minutes a day, every-other-day on the run down batteries that I have discarded from my camera!


What is the point of all these numbers, and all of this ranging and raving?  My point is:  My old technology, even though a bit outdated, still functions as it was expected to do so from the day I bought it to this very second. Your newer technology is being produced with considerably less care and quality, and I will be using mine long after you have discarded yours in the trash (or abandoned it in the junk drawer!)


My minor point:
Books:  Will still be functional hundreds of years into the future.
eBooks: (Understated) Uh -  Not so much!


Making matters worse, Borders sold the very device that helped to put them out of business.


Class, can I have a volunteer, please?  C'mon!  Raise your hand!  OK...OK.. You... In the front row... Go ahead.. Give me your answer to this question:


"How very intelligent of a business decision do you think it is for a book store (Barnes and Noble - are you LISTENING?) to sell the very device that will predictably run them out of business?"


(Teacher pausing, waiting for the student to answer the question)
(Students looking blankly at the teacher, because they are more worried about the cell phone vibrating in their pockets, rather than actually learning something......)


Teacher:
"OK, I'll give you a little hint:  An example of a good business model would NOT be to sell the very item that would soon put you out of business, and to make the minds that use them even more mushy. That, my good students, would be better examples of laziness and GREED!"


In Summary:


There are (were) at least 2 two-story Borders stores that are on the route that I use to commute to virtually anywhere in the St. Louis area.  One is in the same shopping center as a Whole Foods Market. On a very regular basis, I would go to the Whole Foods Organic Market, get my lunch from the hot food bar, and sit in the window seat in the cafe in the front of the store, eating my adventuresome lunch and watching folk walk by, about their daily business.  After my lunch, I would usually walk 2 stores down to Borders.  Like several other Borders stores in the St. Louis area, this store was 2 floors tall, with a cafe inside.  I didn't just use this establishment as a library, I shopped there. As I said in this blog, I have spent several thousand dollars on many different genres of books and merchandise from Borders stores. I not only lived there, but I shopped there, too! 


Removing major book sellers can't possibly serve to help today's society, and the diminishing levels of education, morals, values, and energies, in general, of the American public, and specifically our youth. 
The fibers of the fabric of our society are becoming unraveled at a rate that is alarming.  Withing ONE generation, our youth went from "glad to be here / eager to learn something" to "You owe me, and you know it / I don't give a crap about you / What can you do for me?" 


To make matters worse, lazy-assed adults are following in their KIDS footsteps. They have learned from their children on how to get by (for now!) by thinking and DOING less, and being incredibly lazy in every aspect of their lives. Neither generation is aware of the long term ill effects that this behavior (or lack, thereof!) will produce. I can tell you one thing that is certain:  When other countries beat your pants off, and kick your ass in technology, art, skill, education - and virtually every-other issue on the damned planet, you only have yourselves to blame.


There is something to be said for the old children's song, "Make new friends, and keep the old!  One is silver, and the other - Gold!"  A well balanced society keeps a F-I-R-M grip on their past, while bravely charging forward. Please note that I didn't say that you need no grip at all on the past, OR a death grip on the past, I said a FIRM grip on the past.  Likewise, nothing was said about having a weak grip on the future, or a strong hold on it, either. BALANCE. 


Closing bookstores is NOT included in this balance.


Closing bookstores = an increased lack of education


Lack of education produces BLOCKHEADS.


I hope to God that fate chooses one of these BLOCKHEADS to administer a pain shot, for example, to those who think it is a good idea to further diminish our country.  My guess is that at that time, it will be a bit too late to hope that the person filling that syringe paid attention in class, and that they are observant, and detail oriented.  BOOKS help to achieve those qualities. BLANKNESS - not so much!


- Michael             

Free to Good Home! (Green thumbs, please apply!)

(PICTURES OF EACH PLANT ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE!)
The bad thing about taking good care of your plants is that they never stop growing! I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer provide an adequate home for this tree, and I am not the type of person that will put all that hard work, sweat, love and care into them, and watch it die because it has outgrown its space. 

Through much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I need to find this Cherimoya a new home.

I would like this plant to be established in its new home before winter arrives.  I know most people are probably not thinking about winter when today's temps are 100 degrees or more, but please rest assured that winter is approaching at a regular, predictable rate.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not dumping all my valuables before I commit suicide, and  I haven't just thrown my hands up in the air and said, "To Hell With it!".  Neither am I the type of person that will fall in love with something, buy it, and in two months, I have moved on to the next thing.  I don't behave in that manner, and I don't much care for those who do. 

A Cherimoya tree

I planted this tree from a seed that I got from a Cherimoya fruit at a local International Food Market.

More information can be found on the Cherimoya by Googling the name on the internet, or by going to this link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherimoya

**The interest in this plant is it's uniqueness.   It might flower and bear fruit at some point in the future, but don't hold your breath waiting for it to do so, if you know what I mean.**

If it DOES flower, the fertile period for the flowers is very short.  Each individual flower is male by day, and changes to female at night!

These fruit are somewhat rare in the Midwestern markets, but when they are available, ripe fruit are described by many people as having a variety of tastes.  "Bubblegum Flavored Yogurt" best describes the flavor, in my opinion.  Please note that this particular tree has neither flowered nor bared fruit. I am just giving you general facts about the plant.  The reason you would want this tree is as a curiosity, more than anything.  Any future fruit-baring would be an added bonus, and definitely unexpected.

Even though I have this tree outside during the summer, and it is listed as a "tropical tree", it is actually a "Mountainous Sub-Tropical tree".  It can't stand the snow, but it does like to see it in the distance!

While under my care, this tree is located in a spot where it does get some afternoon sun, but does get partial shade.  Even though it is listed as a "Sub-tropical" tree, it doesn't like the horribly hot temps that the St. Louis area has been getting lately (summer - 2011).  In fact, this tree requires a few weeks with the temps at least in the 40's - 50's, or it will go dormant.  This is the issue with the Cherimoya that is in the Climatron Tropical Rain Forest at the Missouri Botanical Gardens.  That particular Cherimoya is exposed to a constant 85 degree temp, year-round, and doesn't really get enough light.   The Cherimoya that I am trying to relocate is 1/5 the age of the one at the Botanical Gardens, yet it is 4 times it's size, and is much more robust.  The problem is that the horticulturists that placed the Cherimoya in the Climatron read, "Tropical" on the description, and didn't investigate further.  The tree at The Gardens is not allowed to experience a few weeks of cooler weather, and sadly, it is going dormant. 

Cherimoyas can be the first plant you take out of the house for the summer in mid-April (in the Midwest), and the last you bring inside, in the fall.  They like a bit of cool weather - but NOT freezing!

When crushed between your fingers, the leaves and branches of this tree have a "peppery" fragrance.  The tree that I have available had a serious pruning early in the spring - and it has completely grown back to its original size. 

Dragon Fruit Cacti - climbing cacti - miniature pineapples on the right.

More Dragon Fruit Cacti - climbing cacti

Miniature Pineapple plant - will produce another mini pineapple.

Miniature Pineapple plant - will produce another mini pineapple - with more cacti

I will give away two of these various citrus trees.

A full-size Dole pineapple plant.  In another year, it should produce a full-size, edible pineapple.

Another full-size Dole pineapple plant with a 4 - 5 ft. tall avocado tree on the left..  This pineapple has already produced one fruit, but might produce another.

The Cherimoya tree - I put the 5 gallon bucket next to the huge make-shift pot to give a comparison for the size of this tree.

(Because the Cherimoya tree blends with it's background in this pic, I outlined it for clarity.)

Another Avocado tree.  Not guaranteed to fruit, and not the prettiest of trees, but they are interesting, fast, easy growers (but week wood!)

I knew when I began growing these plants from seed and from small starts that the day would come where I would have to find them new, bigger homes.  The day has arrived, and life goes on.

If you are interested in any of these plants, or you know anyone who might be, please send them my e-mail address, or have them contact me at information:

MJKeller568@aol.com

- Michael

To Hell with that, he says! (And Conrad recycles junk mail!)

Those brave few who have been following along know that I have a 16 yr. old African Gray Parrot, "Conrad".  African Grays are arguably the most intelligent and best talkers of the entire parrot world.  The uninitiated person might ask, "Then why haven't I seen them on Talent Shows on TV, or in animal shows at Zoos?"  Or they might add, "My uncle has an African Grey, and that thing never talks!"  The rebuttal to both these statements is straightforward:  The same intellect that allows African Grey parrots to learn complex tasks and to be the best 'talkers' of the parrot world allows them to know when they WANT to speak, and when they want to remain quiet.  If everything they said was a "knee-jerk" response, they would be perfect candidates for animal shows.  The trainer would say a trigger word, and the parrot would answer with whatever response that he has been trained to do so.  Instead of repeating phrases that an African Gray has learned in response to a trigger.  Not in an unhumanlike fashion, Grays speak for several reasons:

1) To vocalize their wants and needs
2) To communicate with their flock (ME!)
3) To entertain themselves.
4) To entertain others!
5)  To get attention!

Note that "mimicry" is not in that list.  Most Greys do have a daily 'song' that they may perform when communication with others is not required. They will recite this 'song' until they feel the need to interrupt it for more pertinent speech, stop the song to utilize their voices in a manner that is consistent with the matter at hand, and often, will return to the place in their 'daily song' where they stopped to speak.  This 'song', mind you, is not the 'song' that most people imagine to be a 'bird song'.  African Greys don't really have voices of their own, but their voices are borrowed from any other sound source around them.  Conrad's daily 'song' consists of speaking (in my voice!), whistles, human sounds (laughter, belching, passing gas, sneezing, coughing!), many, many household sounds, and the list can continue forever.  The sounds included in these songs remains fairly consistent, but will change over time.    When I bought Conrad from his previous owners in 2001, his 'song' consisted of human baby sounds, and conversations between Marnie / Billy, the couple that owned him.  His song even included a wide range of sports sounds" "How 'bout them Cowboys?" - "Go, Rams! Go, Rams!" - "Cardinals, Cardinals, Cardinals!", and crows cheering, and even the "Charge" music and theme.

Although Conrad's daily song still includes a tiny baby crying (that tiny baby would now be 12 - 13 years old!), I only occasionally hear the once-more-common sports themes.  Mind you, I haven't watched or listened to a game on TV or radio in my entire life!

African Grays have more insight into their lives than most people understand.  They have the average IQ and emotional needs of a 4 yr. old human child.  Any of you out there that has spent any time at all around a 4 yr. old child should readily admit that they are advanced little creatures!  They are capable of using tools, forming fairly complex sentences, and expressing their wants and needs, as well as play activity, etc.  They are also capable of learning, using and retaining the information they have acquired.  Everything that can be said for the development of a 4 yr. old child - including potty training! - applies to an African Gray parrot.  For more insight on the subject, pay close attention to this video. Many more videos featuring Alex and Dr. Pepperburg can be found on YouTube.  They only issue I have with Diane Sawyer's narration during the video is that, on at least two occasions, she says that "Alex was more of a genius in the parrot world."  Not so. Alex was purchased quite randomly from a pet store for the purpose of this 30 year experiment:  To determine the level of parrot intelligence. My issue is that Alex was no more of a genius among his peers than id any other African Gray parrot.  With slight varying degrees to allow for individuals within the species, **ALL** African Gray parrots are capable of mastering the same techniques that Alex has mastered.  Alex was just the "poster child!"  he he he 

When I have guests over to the house, I try my best to educate those who approach Conrad and talk "stupid parrot talk" to him. I will kindly say to them, "Please don't talk that way to him!   That is really an insult to Conrad, who talks in either my voice, Billy's voice (from the family that owned him before I did - pre-2001 !), or Mark's voice. He speaks in a HUMAN voice, and not a stupid voice-over you hear when a parrot 'speaks' on Television.  If you talk to him in that voice, in TWO days,  I will hear that same stupid voice come out of him!"  Then, again, there are the stupid bastards that actually try to poke at him, move his toys, or his swing.  I have run more than one person out of my home that wouldn't stop picking at Conrad through his cage. I tell them, "Since he doesn't come to your home and harass you. I will kindly ask you to respect him as a being that is as intelligent, and maybe even more than yourself, and I will ask you to not come to HIS home and harass HIM."  You would not believe some of the blank looks I have received over the years!


To continue:


When toys are bought for an African Gray parrot, the procedure for placing the new toy in the existing cage is very different than most people would imagine.  They can't take the toy home from the pet market and place the toys directly in the cage.  They African Gray would throw SUCH a fit that the toy would have to be removed immediately to avoid having the entire room messed up, and possible injury done to the bird.  I know....I know... The question presents itself, "How can such an intelligent bird be so maladjusted?"  The answer is the same for "Why won't they speak in front of strangers / at animal shows?"  The same intellect that allows an African Grey to clam up at the most inopportune time also allows them to worry themselves to death over any change in their environment or their routines.   African Grays have a strong sense of 'worry'. Worry, in itself, is a complex thought process.


So....


I bring home this toy a YEAR ago.  A lot of African Gray owners will tell you that they have to place the new toy in the same room as the cage, but across the room from it!  Every day, the owner will move the new toy one to two INCHES closer to the cage, until the toy is hanging on the OUTSIDE of the cage. THEN, they let it hang on the outside of the cage for a couple weeks before moving it one-inch-per-day closer to the door of the cage!  Finally, the 'big day' comes, and the toy is moved INSIDE the cage door, but as close to the original spot as it was on the outside of the cage!  Inch-by-inch, day-by-day, the toy is moved closer to the place that it will occupy on a permanent basis in the cage.  If you overlook or hurry any of these steps, I guarantee you that you will live to regret your haste.


The toy pictured below is a "foraging" toy. It requires forethought and action from the bird to retrieve treats that are inside the toy. In this instance, the plastic rings on the toy have a couple holes in the bottom of each ring, opening to the next ring below. According to the bird's achieved skill level, treats can be placed in higher and higher rings, until the treat is ultimately in the clear blue ring at the top - the highest level


Up to this point, Conrad and I have reached the orange level, after graduating from his fear of the thing, then placing treats in the lowest level, to give him the general idea of the thing. 

Conrad will often indicate to me when he 'wants to play' by pecking at the empty chambers of the toy. That is my cue to "get busy", and fill the lower 2 levels with peanuts.


Today, he pecks at the empty chambers, and I get the peanuts to put in the chambers.  Conrad then proceeds to wrestle a peanut out of the appropriate chamber, then hurls the peanut across the room at me!


I said, "Oh, you little ass!", and I picked up the flung peanut from across the room, and refilled the chambers. As quickly as he could, he wrestled the same peanut out of it's chamber, and flung it across the room at me again, all the while glaring down his bill at me!  He was pissed at me for some reason.  Even though he thought it was necessary, he didn't really need to tell me twice!  I left the peanuts out of that toy for the rest of the day.


RECYCLING JUNK MAIL:


Conrad was potty trained before I got him from his previous owners.  I would sit him on the rim of the toilet while I took my morning shower, and he would potty without prompting. After the deed was done, he would announce his accomplishment by saying, "I shit! I shit! huh huh huh (a dull laugh) I shit, I shit!"
When I get him out of his cage, I can have him sitting on my hand, and I can hold him over the bowl of the toilet, and say, "Go Potty!"  He will take a birdie dump and say, "Shit, bird!  Shit, bird!"  It is pointless for me to say that one of his previous owners - over 10 years ago - didn't like him.  That would be Billy, the husband


Conrad was a college graduation gift for the woman that raised him from the time he hatched from an egg. Her father gave her a choice: A car or a parrot. She chose Conrad. 


Marnie, his 'birth mother',  raised Conrad from an egg and fed him with an eye dropper because his eyes were still closed. That is TOO young to adopt a baby parrot, but I digress. In any case, he survived his early adoption, and was raised by a woman until her marriage.  As another point of interest, out of the thousands of phrases that Conrad says, he speaks only one word in a woman's voice: "Hello!", and he can say "HELLO!" in many different ways, all but one of them is in a man's voice.  The clincher:  The woman's voice that he speaks in for that ONE WORD is **not** the woman that raised him, but it is her best friend's voice!


Anywho....Conrad is somewhat potty trained, but that cannot be relied upon 100% of the time.  All birds are influenced by evolution, one way or the other.  Most parrots eat away from their nests, and don't really care where scraps of food fall.  They are VERY messy little beings!  I often change the layer of paper on the bottom of Conrad's cage once and often twice a week. If you look at his cage between cleanings, you would be inclined to think that I hadn't touched it in months. They are, indeed, messy.


As luck would have it, I do not have to use any type of new paper to line the bottom of his cage. I use junk mail!  Is it a bad 'sign of the times' when we get more junk in the mail than I possibly use to line the bottom of a parrot's large, messy cage with twice-a-week cleanings?  I can only imagine all the millions of tons of paper that could be saved by not sending any of that crap to our doors!


- Michael

Cut their salary and Hire them back!

This is the Facebook post that I am responding to:

"Salary of the US President. ..$400,000
Salary of retired US Presidents ...$180,000
Salary of House/Senate...$174,000
Salary of Speaker of the House.. .$223,500
Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders... $193,400
Average Salary of a Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ/AFGHANISTAN.... $38,000
I think we found where the cuts should be made! If you agree... repost"

My refutation:

You know I love you, God knows I do ("I luz Harpo, God Know I do!....)  But.... I am going to have to respectfully offer a more broad perspective on the situation.

We live in the zip code in Missouri with the most income per capita in the state of Missouri - 63124: Ladue, MO 

The suburbs that surround us can't be far behind: Clayton, Frontenac, Huntleigh, etc.   All these areas are immediately west of the St. Louis City limits, and are considered St. Louis County.

Ladue, MO is #20 per capita in the entire United States, and as a comparison, Beverly Hills, CA is #99.  Another interesting fact is that August Busch of Anheuser-Busch lives less than a mile from our house, and he lives in the next "burg" over - Huntleigh, not Ladue.

There is a house that is less than a quarter of a mile - a few blocks from our house, where the UPKEEP and TAXES on their home is more than the combined income ($1,170,938) of the individuals you listed above. Please don't misunderstand me. I didn't say the value of this home is $1,170,938, I said the yearly costs of running and maintaining this home is $1,170,938.  Mark and I went to an estate sale right across the street from this house. It was one of the smallest homes in the area, and is up for sale: $4.1 million.  The house where the upkeep is $1,170,938:  $20 million.

Compared to the average doctor, CEO, business owner or business man, in general, that lives in our area, **ALL** of the people that you have listed above have embarrassingly low incomes.  And they run our country, or keep us protected.

Another fact that goes in this category is the fact that many of the past Presidents of the United States have forfeited their salaries.  How can they do this?  They were independently wealthy before being elected.

I am honestly and truly not the jealous type. I have learned to avoid jealousy like the plague. The result of not doing such will cause people to morph into my family members!  I don't care one way or the other whether they are independently wealthy, or not.  I would be living in the wrong area if people with money made me jealous, if you know what I mean. 

HOWEVER..... (Don't you just love "Howevers" ?....)

Since our government is known for underpaying our leaders, only the wealthy can afford to run for the position, leaving only the wealthy and their ideals to make decisions for the rest of the country.  If we RAISE their salaries, it makes these positions competitive for all, allowing more of a wide range of the population to occupy these offices, rather than a rich, elite group.  It really isn't in our best interest to allow a group of rich people to run a country where most of us are "financially embarrassed", if you know what I mean.

While I am on the 'Alice In Wonderland' tour, please allow me one more segway.

Many people are strongly opposed to self check-out lanes in supermarkets.  Their argument is that the this invention is taking away jobs that could be filled by unemployed humans. 

(Open your tough little noggins and be ready to accept NEW and exciting information!)

1) Self check-out lanes are NOT replacing humans. An increasing work load will have to be accomplished by the number of cashiers that the store already has employed.  If they take out the self check-out lanes, they are NOT going to hire more cashiers to replace the removed self check-out lanes.  Self check-out lanes are not REPLACING anybody, they are assisting those that are already there!

2) If these lanes were not in our markets, you would be waiting in long lines for the same number of cashiers as the store employed BEFORE the self check-out lanes your wait in a check out lane, in a longer line, waiting for a human to ring up your purchases -  would be much longer.

Unfortunately for those who share my world, my thoughts are never 'linear'. Likewise, trying to explain the monkeys juggling knives in my head is no real walk in the park, either.

I don't know if crossing the Government Salary debate with the Self Check-Out debate made anything more clear, or confused the Hell out of my dear readers.  While you decide, I will summarize:

1) Don't cut government employee's salaries.  They are already so low that they are embarrassing the Hell out of our country in the eyes of the rest of the world.  Don't cut the government employee's salaries - RAISE ALL THEIR SALARIES, INCLUDING THE SOLDIER'S!

2) You will not like the outcome of the situation if our retailers remove the self check-out lanes. They should add more!  The predicted outcome would be that more of your most valuable, non-renewable resource (TIME!) would be wasted while waiting in longer lines.  I know denial runs deep in some individuals, but I, for one, am well aware that my life is finite.  One day, it will come to an end.  I do **NOT** want to waste **any** of that remaining valuable non-renewable resource (TIME!) waiting in long lines because somebody else with more power and money than I have is the one that refuses to see the big picture. 

3) And pay those government employees MORE.  In my mind's little eye, it is a 'bad thing' that the *upkeep* on a man's house that lives just a few feet down street is more than the combined salaries of several major government officials.  Remember:  I didn't say the value of his house was more than their combined incomes.  I said the UPKEEP:  Taxes, utility bills, lawn care, maid and cleaning service, etc. 

Capish?  :)

- Michael

I am expecting a new baby, and I am about to (take delivery) at any time now!

I just bought a new piano, a Kawai 506N,  just a few minutes ago.  Counting this instrument, I now have 26 keyboard instruments and 3 guitars.....
My latest acquisition is a new, acoustic institutional piano that has the heavy touch of a new piano, and the big sound I'm looking for. It is in a ebony satin finish.

This piano, except with a black satin finish:
http://www.michellespiano.​com/Kawai/506N/172

A vid:
http://www.youtube.com/wat​ch?v=k5AGC1XpY-g


I had two Steinways that were thrown in my general direction, and even though the temptation was great, I passed on them both. One was a 1984 Steinway spinet for $6,500 that felt and sounded beautiful, and the other was a Steinway grand that had some restoration work, for $7,995.

For the life of me, I can't figure out why, but Mark still wants me to get a Grand. And he doesn't even play! I want a grand, but future moves, humidity, and general space issues has to be taken into consideration. It feels odd that I have to be the 'heavy' on this issue, instead of Mark, for a change. Ya know?  That one grand (not a Steinway!) was only $1,700. I might have to add that one on to the collection.

My collection now Includes:

...3 amplifiers.
...2 mixers
..20 speakers
...(1) 1888 reed / pump organ
...(1) hand-pumped Indian Harmonium
...(1) Early 1970's vintage rare Baldwin Syntha-Sound synthesizer
...(1) 1983 Hammond Composer spinet organ
...(1) 1969 Hammond E-100 console organ with an attached Leslie 122 speaker
...(1) 1963 Hammond A-100 console organ with an attached Leslie speaker
...(1) 1966 Wurlitzer electric piano
...(1) Yamaha Digital piano - full 88.
...(2) Axiom MIDI contoller keyboards - (1) Axiom 49 and (1) Axiom 61
...(1) Korg MS-20 MIDI modeler synthesizer. complete with the Korg Legacy Software package
...(3) J Chein toy player pianos that really play their own proprietary piano rolls.
...(3) Shoenhut toy pianos
...(2) full sized Accordions.
...(1) 2011 Kawai 506N upright acoustic piano.

I am not a dealer - I am a hoarder!  he he he

"They" say that hoarders always have psychological issues that drive them to hoarding.  As much as I hate "They", and I don't even know who the Hell "They" are, "They" might be right!

My issue, you might say, stems from my mother buying me a 1979 Kimball piano as my only Christmas gift in 1980.  Little did I realize that she bought it as a weapon, but both then and now, I turned it against her. 

She told me that when I moved out, and I found a place of my own, I could take my piano with me. It was, after all, a Christmas Gift to me.  She couldn't then, and she can't now play a tune on a toy piano without someone holding her hand and guiding each finger.

A few years after she "bought me the piano", when I moved out, and I told her that I want to take my piano with me.  She told me "It's not yours to take", and she gave it to the Pentecostal Church in Quincy, where they placed it in the basement. The last time I saw that poor piano, the front board was **GONE**. and so were many of the keys, hammers, etc. It was HEAVILY damaged.  I am here to tell you that one of the pianos that Mark wanted me to buy while shopping for my new piano was an early 1900's (1910's, to be exact) grand piano that is in PHENOMENAL shape. With the only exception of out-right abuse, there is no way in Hell that a piano built in 1979 should have any mechanical issues at all, and it should not have been ripped to shreds by individuals who simply do not give a shit about any quality or talent.

I hope and pray that the individuals (including my mother, and my father, who let her do it!) are held accountable for such a display of disrespect of beauty, talent and hard work.  Actually, they ARE paying for it, even as we speak.  Their punishment is to continuing living the lives they are living. I wonder if they are smart enough to figure why "what had been coming at them is still being hurled in their direction?)  To quote my own mother (God, don't make me quote that woman!):  
"Does a skunk smell his own hole?"  The answer:  No
 
Likewise, most folk who have been given an extra dose of Karma actually know why it has been aimed at them!
If she tries to take **this** one from me, I might have to go to jail.  I will leave my debit card on the kitchen counter so Mark can get the money out of my account to bail me out!

To quote Sophia Petrillo during the episode, "MidWinter Night's Dream" - the last line,:
"Well, Pardon me while I go play the Grand Piano!"  :)

- Michael

"Cousin It" - The thing living on my face

If I said that I have never shaved off my beard or mustache, I would not be telling the truth.


I have been Queen Malificent from Sleeping Beauty for Halloween more than a couple times.  In fact, she was my regular gig for several years.  I don't do cheesy, cheap Walmart Halloween costumes.  I like to look like I just stepped out of a high budget Disney movie.  The last time I did donned Queen Malificent at my place of employment was when I worked at RehabCare Group in the adjoining St. Louis Metro area of Clayton.  This is a large, multi-billion dollar a year physical, occupational and speech therapy company.  I worked a shirt-and-tie customer service and billing desk job.  On Fridays, we could dress in jeans and a casual dress shirt, and we always had company-wide competitions on Halloween. 


There was only one division of prizes to be given out for this Halloween Costume contest, but being typical corporate suck-ups, the prizes were really in two imaginary groups:  One group of prizes for the people "upstairs" (the CEO's office and staff), and one group of prizes for the rest of the company.


Without fail, every year, first, second and third place prizes went to the people in the CEO's office. The next 3 places were dealt to the rest of the company.  My outfit was a long black coffin-draped velvet dress with the side slit up to the thigh, black velvet platform stiletto heels, 8 pairs of pantyhose (!!), a black turtleneck Dickie, long spider web nails, huge amethyst costume jewelry, a huge raised spider web collar, and because I didn't have the curled horns that Queen Malificent is famous for wearing, a gold crown with a tight fitting hood (only the face showing) had to suffice.  I wore 8 pairs of pantyhose to get the show girl smooth legs.  You don't have to shave our legs if you wear a lot of pairs of pantyhose!  The black Dickie helped with the witchy illusion, as well as avoiding having to shave my chest!


My make-up was pristine, and absolutely to die for!~


On those days, my friends, I did shave my mustache.  It was well worth it!  That particular outfit was over $500, and it wasn't uncommon for me to invest over $1,500 for a Halloween costume. There will be no Walmart costumes, of out-of-the-box costumes allowed! 


The last time I wore "Queen Malificent" at my place of employment, I won first prize. At the award ceremony, when my name was called (Michael Keller!), I stood up from my seat to walk forward through the crowd to claim my prize.  When I sashayed to the stage, platform stilettos, my black velvet coffin-draped dress doing a graceful dance all by itself, and my leg shimmering through that slit in the dress, the CEO's eyes were popping out of his head. He was expecting a woman's voice to come out of my mouth when I spoke to thank him!  He handed me my money, and said, "Honey, you SHOULD give up your day job!"  I answered, "Wearing this crap is a tougher job than any day job than I have ever had!  I'll pass on the job offer ! "  :)

You will have to trust me on this one.  No drag queen, female impersonator, character actor, or anybody of that nature will ever get back the money that they have spent on costumes and make up, in tips from bar patrons, prize money or any other income from doing drag.  It is a labor or love.  All the prize money I have ever won from the fantastic outfits that I have whipped up never came close covering the money that I spent on them.   The reward is all in the art, and never in the money.


On those rare occasions, I have shaved off my mustache, but I let it grow back immediately.  Some examples:

So - what is all the kvetshing about?

My complaint is not that "It's Hot!"  I can't argue with you on that point. You would win. It is definitely HOT!  However, I have had facial hair 99% of the time since I was 17 (26 years), so I am used to the heat.  That is not my kvetsh. 

To avoid staining my 'stache, I drink my morning coffee through a drinking straw, and I carry a drinking straw on my person everywhere I go.  I drink almost everything, in fact, through a straw, including Koolaid, etc. 

Ice cream in **any** form is not fun, but if I am offered an ice cream cone, I think I have been forced to take a trip straight through Hell.  Unknown to myself, a major portion of the ice cream becomes temporarily lodged in my 'stache, and then a few seconds later, will always drip onto my chest, creating a huge mess and a stained shirt, or a sticky belly. 

Due to staining and 'general mess' issues, as well as my gluten intolerance, most pasta dishes (tomato sauces!) are out of the question.


I dearly love Indian (India) food, and a lot of those sauces are closely related (in consistency) to tomato sauces. I am not about to give those up for ANY reason, and since I know the Indian folk are a big fan of my facial hair style (look up "Raj Put"), I am further encouraged to KEEP the 'stache! I love my fan base! he he he (And they love me!)

HOWEVER......
(Those of you who know me well will know that I have worn complete, removable dentures since I was 30 - for 13 years now. It isn't a big secret! If you would like a smile like mine, you can contact Dr. Thomas Farmer in Clayton (St. Louis, MO), on Hanley Road, and he will hook you up!)


When I glue the lower half of my face in each morning, I almost always trap half of my mustache underneath it. That is a pain, both physically and figuratively.


My facial hair seems to go through cycles. For long periods of time, it seems like I loose hands full of hair from my 'stache and beard every day.


My last complaint is, believe it or not, the time I spend standing in front of the mirror! Most people that know me can't imagine that I would ever tire from standing in front of a mirror, and in most cases, they would be correct, but this instance is different. My beard doesn't grow this way. It is bleached with a powerful powdered bleach (BW2000 is the brand name), and to style it, I use normal hair mousse, a **LOT** of hair spray, and a carefully aimed blow dryer. If I want to wax the 'tips',  I use my own specially formulated "Butch Wax", which is another show, altogether.   I had to create my own blend, which is stronger than the original Butch Wax, which is becoming increasingly more difficult to find on the market.


Let me explain my attachment to this thing on my face:


I can go to many of the large venues, which includes any of the large local art shows, the Japanese or Greek Fests, any time at the the Missouri Botanical Gardens, the Great Forest Park Balloon Race, Let 'Em Eat Art Fest, and many local markets, etc - and I am recognized on the spot. The people that own or operate most of the shops that I frequent also recognize me.  I will admit that even though I am a "shy guy" (yeah - right!), the recognition is addicting. 


Almost every time I leave the house, whether it is to an event, shopping at Soulard Farmer's Market, whether we are going to an estate sale, or simply shopping at a local mall, I am often asked to stop and post for pictures.  I will have to admit that that, too, is addicting!   :)


If I trim this stuff up to a 'normal' length, I slip into the background and become a fricken wallflower


Through watching my relatives, then doing exactly the opposite actions that they were doing, I learned how to get attention through positive, energetic actions, rather than negative, lazy actions:


I started wearing fun clothes, fine tuning talents and interests, having a wonderful hairstyle and / or 'stache, attending frequent venues and events, and generally squeezing as much life out of this planet as I can while I am on the face of it.  You will have to take my word for it when I tell you that NOT doing these things will quickly lead to undesired effects.


My biggest fear is allowing myself to become like those that I am trying so desperately to avoid.  For reasons that I will not go into in this particular blog (but that I am not afraid to divulge in another blog!), my mother fought like hell to avoid becoming "her mother."  In every detail, she has become a carbon copy of my grandmother - her mother.  My oldest sister (6 yrs. younger than me) put forth a small attempt to avoid becoming like our mother.  In some small details, she has succeeded to a negligible degree.   The difference isn't worth mentioning, really.  Due to her own failure to take action on her life, my younger sister has been a complete loss to society since birth.  That issue is quite another blog for another day.


Every bit of the person that I have become is the result of hard work, planning, a firm sense of unwavering direction, a small amount of observation, and a lot of determination.  I am completely and intentionally "self-made", clear down to the mustache!


  My dear readers, the 'gifts' that I have been given are not apparent to the casual observer.  They do *not* consist of creativity, musical talent, my knitting, etc.  When confronted with the knowledge that a person failed to learn a particular skill, such as playing a musical instrument or learning a foreign language, many people will brush off MY skills as, "Oh, you were given a Gift.!"   They feel that since I have been the recipient of this "magnificent Gift", and they had no such luck, then it frees them of the responsibility of taking charge of their lives, their time, and their energy, and learning a new skill - or taking care of themselves!


I want each and every one of the people that think I have "been given a Gift" to sit next to me every day, 2 hours a day while I teach myself how to read music.  I haven't been given a gift.  The person that I have become is a result of hard work.  No gifts were involved. 


The *ONLY* 'Gift' I have been given is to have been spared (I didn't say "delivered" - I said "SPARED") the outcome of being like my other family members.  Being "Delivered" from that evil is better than still living that mess, but the ultimate gift is to have been spared the entire ordeal.  That, my friends is my Gift, and please let me tell you that there isn't an hour of any day that I have been alive, alert and conscious that I do not give thanks to my Creator for sparing me the life that they live! 


Mark will verify this:  When I am sitting in an Indian Restaurant, walking through the Japanese Fest in the fall, walking through the Missouri Botanical Gardens ANY TIME, or walking through the St. Louis Art Show and Fair, just to name a few examples, I am honestly reduced to tears because I am thankful that I was the one that was chosen to be allowed to experience those things.  I have been the lucky recipient of this Gift, and no others.


About changing one's appearance:


In the past, when I would shorten my mustache, some insecure person will inevitably say, "Oh, Michael! That looks better!"


Doncha know that I will quickly stop them, and correct with, "No, I didn't shorten my facial hair because I wanted to 'look better'.  I was perfectly satisfied with the way I looked before, and I am equally satisfied with the way I look after I cut it.  I did it simply because I wanted a change, not an improvement. "


There are many issues that are an 'after-the-fact' issue.  You have to be on the other side of the issue to even notice that it exists.  People that really should make a change will be the last ones to do make that change, yet they will be the first individuals to comment on another person's change.  The person needing to make the change that makes a comment to an individual who has already done so is simply trying to rationalize the rut they are stuck in, but that, my friends, is another Dr. Phil 101 class for another day.


The summary of the chapter of this mini series (he he) is that when *I* make a change, it is simply for the sake of change, and nothing more.


Let's take my recent 75 lb. weight loss, for example.  All things taken into consideration, I liked the way I looked BEFORE I lost weight. If I liked the 'before look' more than the 'after look', then why did I lose the weight, you ask?


Because of my jacked-up ankle, and severe arthritis, in general, I was edging closer and closer to life in a wheel chair. I need a new ankle, but prosthetic ankles haven't been perfected yet, so I have to wait several more years.  I was also edging towards diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure, just to name a few issues off the top of my head. SO...  I had a choice:  Be fat, but hefty, and look lovely while somebody that never really cared for me (family members) throw my remains in a box, stare at me for a couple days - call it their own party - and then throw me in a dark hole in the ground,  many years before a normal lifespan is up for me.  That doesn't sound like a good idea to me, so I lost 75 lbs.  The weight loss bought me more time.  I sacrificed a look that I loved - being beefy - with being like a gaunt Ethiopian baby, for the same for the sake of being healthy and independent as long as possible.


I did the same thing with my skin.  I have psoriasis.  I was given the choice of using a medication for this genetic disease, or get as tan (either using a tanning bed or going outdoors)  to keep the problem at bay. 


The medication was $600 a month, and it never really worked as intended.   After being used as prescribed, that expensive cream still left my skin red, bloody and blotchy.  The directions on the label instructed me to put rubber gloves on my hands, because the cream is toxic to my liver, then apply the cream to the lesions that are all over my body!  HUH?  I am a nurse by trade, and that didn't make much sense to me!


My dermatologist told me that since I am not a high risk patient for skin cancer, the benefits of being tan, in my case, outweigh my risk of skin cancer.  He told me that he would monitor me for skin cancer, and that I should spend as much time outdoors as possible. If I don't have the time to spend outdoors, I should go to a tanning salon, and if I don't have time to go to a tanning salon, I should buy a tanning bed.  After 2 years of paying a monthly fee to go to a tanning salon (and driving there 3 times a week), I got tired of pouring money down a hole, and I bought myself a $4,000 tanning bed.  I use it 3 times a week.


With the 'psoriasis thing', I had another choice to make.  I could look like a cross between George Hamilton and Moses, or I could look like a bloody leper.  I chose the George Hamilton / Moses thing!
Yes, I am prematurely aging.  My skin is aging at a rate faster than it ever has, and I have sun related wrinkles.  But - it's better than looking like a leper, and waking up in the morning bloody, with skin caked under my fingernails because I scratched myself to death during the night.


This is another choice I had to make:  Be tan and look old, or be pale as a ghost with huge lesions all over my body.  I made the choice that I could live with the best, and not for one second do I regret that choice.


Back to the 'stache:


1) I like the way I look either way, with a short or long 'stache.


2) I am rather fond of the attention, and the tiny bit of local fame - my 15 seconds of fame - that it brings me.  The compliments and the photographs are good for the ego!  Everybody should have their own private applause box, and I have my own, too. 


3) Although in the past, I have had my share of fun with being a wallflower, losing a large part of my identity will take some getting used to.


4) I do sometimes need a break from the 'stache.  I would love to eat or drink ANYTHING without having a comb handy and / or napkin handy at all times to wipe the excess out of my facial hair.


5) I am losing hair out of it more and more each day. I am certain that I have half the volume of hair that I did a year ago.  It's not an 'age' thing.   Even though I try not to over-process it, my facial hair becomes dry and brittle, and breaks off at an increasing rate.


6) I would love to put my teeth in my mouth in the morning without 'gluing' my mustache in my mouth with them.


7) I know I will suffer at least a bit of separation anxiety for the first month after it's gone, if I choose to take it down a major step!




I know that in either case, it's not a life-or-death decision, but...but.. What's a man to do?


'Stache on or 'Stache off? 


(Either way, it's not disappearing. More appropriately, I should have stated:


"Long 'stache or short 'stache?" 


Should we take a vote?


- Michael

Poor is the Man (woman and child!) who's pleasure depends upon the permission of another!

Poor is the Man (woman and child!) who's pleasure depends upon the permission of another!

Yep.  I went and did it again!  But...But.... I was provokes! Kinda sorta, at any rate.  What's a man to do? 

(The moral of this story is NOT about a shopping trip...hang in there!)

I was shopping at the Wentzville Flea Market this past Sunday morning.  The vendors should have their booths set up by 6:30 AM, and if you want a parking space, you should be arriving on the Flea Market grounds about that time.

Even though my attempts usually fail, I try to make 2 passes, one pass when they open for business, to make sure there isn't any item that "I just can't live without" that might be snatched away from me by another shopper before I get around to the second pass.

I start shopping at 6:30 AM, and this past Sunday, I was in my truck and ready to leave the grounds at 11:00 AM.  There are several hundred vendors, and with both passes combined, I do take some time to shop.

Anywho, I was bout 3/4 finished with my first pass when I found my way into a small booth. This vendor had a few items, but none caught my attention more than the jewelry that was on the table in front of the seller.  I told her that I liked her jewelry, and I made every attempt to 'simply walk away' with no further comment. 

She stopped me, and told me me that she like making items from recycled materials.  One of the best, most adventuresome recycling stories in the St. Louis area is the "City Museum". (Not really a museum!)

I said, "Have you ever been to the City Museum?  The entire idea of that place is to be a chiropractor for the mind and the body, and it is made entirely of recycled and found objects."

You can find more information about The City Museum here:

www.citymuseum.org

or for more details:

http://www.citymuseum.org/allattractions.html

You can also find pics of this surrealistic adventure on Flickr.com, and videos on YouTube, as well as many other websites. 


Continuing.....

After I asked this woman if she had been to the City Museum, half covered her mouth with her hand, rolled her eyes, and whispered, "We don't go there because it is DANGEROUS!"

Any other astute person that was present during this exchange would have also ascertained by her body language and demeanor that she was poking fun at OTHER people who say the City Museum is "Dangerous". 

In half-hearted agreement, I said, "Oh, yes!  There are idiots who say the City Museum is 'dangerous', but I always tell them to keep their unadventuresome asses at home, safe on the sofa.  Even though there is always a risk of falling off the sofa and hurting themselves, the sofa should be fairly 'safe', but if they are still fearful, then perhaps they should lie flat on the floor, eliminating all risk of a fall!"

Then...oh, then.....  I took another look at her  It was at that point in he conversation that I realized that the was totally and honestly serious!  She is not an advocate of The City Museum / Bob Cassilly, or anything he has ever created, she is an opponent!

I am here to tell you today that I leaned over that table, and hissed at her, "I just arrived at the conclusion that YOU are one of the idiots that I was just describing!"

This woman, who was easily half my age, gasped at my blunt, up-front statement, and she went on to tell me that her child was playing in "Turtle Park", across from the St. Louis Zoo, and that her child fell and hurt his lip, requiring a stitch.  She went to a lawyer to see if she had a case against Bob Cassilly, the creator of both Turtle Park, City Museum, Concrete Land, and several other sculptures and artistic venues throughout the St. Louis area. Yes, she is 'one of those people' - you know the type - that are too damned lazy to work for their own money, and enjoy making the world a tough place to live because of her law-suit happy, controlling, lazy ass!!

This is the statement made by City Museum, on the front page of their website:

"City Museum is designed to be enjoyed by children and people of all ages. However, visitors under the age of 16 must be accompanied by a chaperone 18 years of age or older. Chaperones must accompany children through City Museum and are responsible for their conduct and wellbeing. Proof of age may be required. When coming in groups of 6 or more, City Museum requires a 1 adult to every 6 children ratio. (Adult is considered any guest over the age of 18 with valid id.) "

According to this lady, who was telling the tale, the lawyer that she went to see basically told her that she did not have a case, and that he was not the one that would fight Bob Cassilly's lawyers because she is responsible for the well-being of her own child, and that Bob Cassilly is not her private babysitter.  Can I just tell you, dear readers, that this poor, lost lady repeated to me, in a mocking tone,  what the lawyer told her ?!?  She did so, as if she believed that the safety of her child was another person's responsibility!

I went on to inform her that I am willing to bet that since she most likely wouldn't permit her child to climb over a second floor hand railing, falling to the first floor in a shopping mall, nor would she most likely permit such an activity any where else.

I told her, "YOU are the one that made the decision to have a child. YOU are the one responsible for the education, physical and emotional well-being of YOUR child.  It is not the rest of the planet's responsibility to assume your task!"

As yet another segway in the middle of this tale, can I also confide in you that there are many, many people who want to have sex, and unfortunately for the child, they are a by-product of their parent's actions, rather than a desired out-come. 

Although these certainly are included in the responsibilities that are assumed by a person who chooses to have a child (a parent!), there is much more to 'parenting' than providing a roof, clothing and meals.

You are also responsible for their education, both formally (school / college), and informally - LIFE EXPERIENCES - as well as emotional support.  If you fail to do these things, your children can and will hate you for it. Trust me.


There are very few parents that ensure that their children are well-rounded in their life experiences.  The parents place self-imposed limitations upon themselves, because they feel the need for a level of control.  These limitations are common in the parent's world, so shouldn't it be the same for their children?  And the cycle continues....

If there is at all a just and merciful God that is in control of the universe as we know it, I hope and pray to that God that as many children as possible will learn that there is a much more broad spectrum world out there, and that it is more diverse than the tight, closed environments that their parents have imposed upon them.  If you want your children to hate you, go ahead and impose unnecessary limits on them.  Like yourself, they will hate every cuisine other than ordinary American Food.  Let's not forget American Chinese food and Taco Bell / Chili's restaurant food.  American Chinese Food. You know - the stuff you order over the phone that shows up on your doorstep, or most of those buffets that you go to on a regular basis. Those count as "ethic food", right?  Uh... NO!    American Chinese, Mexican and every other Americanized cuisine is no where near authentic.  So, why do Chinese people sell American Chinese food?  Because they know most American people are embarrassingly gullible, and they are also embarrassing lazy, and rather than seek out good, authentic experiences, they will throw their money at anybody. Who wouldn't take such a deal?  If lazy,  unadventurous people are stupid enough to throw their money away, here is always going to be somebody standing by to catch it.

Children that are a result of lazy, unadventurous parents will openly mock anyone who speaks a language other than their own, they won't go anywhere or do anything different or cultural, and they will try their damnedest to make sure nobody else does these things, either.  (The idiot that made a feeble attempt at shutting down City Museum / Bob Cassilly is a good example of a lazy, unadventurous person who can't stand to see life in anybody else, so they are trying desperately to eliminate any life around them.)

Is it all about "Safety"?  Don't lie to yourselves, don't lie to me, and don't like to those defenseless children!  It is NOT all about "Safety", but is about control, and laziness.

The "Root of All Evil" has nothing to do with money, dear readers, and has everything to do about **LAZINESS**. Physical, mental and emotional laziness.  Laziness is worse than any cancer.  Even pancreatic and liver cancers have a cure rate (5 - 10%)!  The same thing that can Judge Judy says about "Dumb" can be said for "Laziness".  Judge Judy says, "Beauty fades - Dumb is forever!"  Can I please paraphrase?:
"Beauty fades - LAZINESS is forever!" 

Back to the idiot that is the subject at hand.  I pointed to my right arm. It is 4" shorter than my left arm, and has limited function and strength. I am blind in my left eye, and my right leg is another show, altogether.  I was born with an oddly clubbed foot.  As recently as this past winter, I required the use of a HooverRound to go through any large store, mall, or other bigger venue, and often required crutches to get from one room to another in my home. 

For everything on this planet, there is a "currency".  For most people, actual $$ is motive enough for them.  You can get them to do anything for a buck. For a young person that still lives at home, but is approaching adulthood, driving privileges or a slightly later curfew is their currency.  Considering the natural challenges that I was born with, the "cost" that I pay to navigate through this world is definitely higher than a person without these conditions.  The price I pay to live is higher, and I certainly want to get my "money's worth".

My operating "Currency" is time and experiences.  Time is the only non-renewable resource known on this planet.  If you "waste" water, it will, in some form or other, come back down as rain, or will end up in an aquifer, etc.  It absolutely cannot escape this planet, so it will be here, in some form or other.  If you use gasoline in a car, a lot the gasoline is released in form of energy to move the vehicle, charge the battery, etc, and another portion of that gasoline is returned to the Earth as carbons, water vapor, and many more substances.  It doesn't actually "go anywhere."  It can't escape this planet. If you take a piece of wood and burn it, a large portion of the wood is released as heat and light from the fire. Another portion is returned to the earth in the form of ashes.  Do you see the point?  At the time of this writing, once we spend TIME, we cannot regain it.  Time is the only completely non-renewable resource. Once it is gone, it is COMPLETELY gone. 

My recommendation:  We are all spending TIME.  Time is my currency.  Are you getting your "money's worth"?

While I was still leaned over this lazy, controlling vendor's table, I went on to hiss, "If you choose to use the time and energy you have been given to wreck yours and your child's life by limiting your life's experiences, that is your choice. I hope some day that you will be held responsible for those choices.  I would also recommend that you stay seated on the sofa, where you will be "Safe". We have already discussed that my life comes to me at a higher price than yours does, and I want to get as much for my "money" as I can.  The fact that you are trying to put Bob Cassilly and The City Museum out of business angers me.  I will not have YOU or anyone LIKE YOU coming between my life, and the way I choose to live and experience it.  I want to use everything I have been given to the fullest capacity possible.  Trust me when I tell you that if you choose to use your laziness to control and alter my life, you will not like the outcome when I am sitting on the sofa beside YOU!  You will not like that experience at all!  You can be as lazy as you deem necessary, but you will NOT come between me and my world."  I pointed to her child, who was about 20 ft. away, and I continued, "And I feel deeply for him, for having to live in the constricted environment that you have created for him."

She interrupted me, "Oh, I will take him to City Museum - when he is older."  I said, "You're a damned liar. You aren't going anywhere - except to the sofa!  Have a nice day!"

I smiled and I walked away!

The moral of this story:

"Poor is the Man (woman and child!) who's pleasure depends upon the permission of another!"

- Michael