One lump, or Two? And just how Hip are YOU ???

During spring / summer months, my standard hat and the Roar! embroidered shirt combo is much to hot to wear.  I would be gushing sweat from every pore.

I limit putting my mustache and goatee in it's recognizable 'up do' to once, maybe twice a week.  The hairspray, hair mousse and hot blow dryer is *extremely* damaging to the hair.  I loose more than a good fair share of facial hair every day due to the stress from styling.  Because of the increase damage caused by the entire process, I limit doing my face in the up-style to out-of-the-house excursions that have a lengthy duration of several hours.  If I'm just running down to the corner grocery store, the pic that I have added to this blog is my customary chosen look.

Within seconds of putting any light cap - including but not limited to baseball caps, due to a large permanent bump on the back of my head, my cap will - without exception - slide off to the side of my head.  Years ago, I grew tired of constantly fighting it, and I just let it sit where it comes to rest on my head. (That large bump was caused by incidents that were inflicted upon me as a child, and they were caused by: a horse, a brother and a cousin, which can often be confused for one and the same!)

To add to the jalopy that is me, I have both Erb's Palsy and Gunstock Deformity in my right arm, making it very noticeably 4" shorter than the left arm, and with a good degree of an obvious permanent bend at the elbow that cannot be even temporarily straightened.

The last obvious quirk is a moderately successful correction of a right clubbed foot.  My foot didn't club in or out, as 'standard' clubbings, but it clubbed straight up - like a safety pin.  for a chance of pace, I will spare you the long story, the end result is that I have a man-made, fused ankle.  Ankles that don't bend produce a not-so-average walk, and depending on my level of pain or tiredness, my walk ranges from a mild but noticeable swagger to a full limp.

Consider those physical anomalies, and factor in my unorthodox everyday look.

Wouldn't you know it?

Almost EVERY TIME that I walk down a busy pedestrian street, through a store (Walmart is the best for this action!), or through a popular mall, some testosterone-soaked youth will notice my cap on sideways, my bent arm and my 'swagger' walk.  Without fail, he will 'pump up his game'.  He throws his head back, moves his cap MORE off to the side of his head, he bends his arm as if to 'catch wind', and puts more swagger into his already-pants-to-his-knees waddle.

I have several choices: get pissed.... laugh .... or cry!

I usually laugh - and I laugh loudly, and once in a while, when I pass him, I'll whisper, "You unobservant idiot!  God made me 'hip' - and you're trying to 'one up' his game!  What you're trying to do is to out-game a gimp!"

Sometimes the hormone-afflicted youth gets my message, but other times a confused look is followed by - more swagger!

I have to laugh - and I usually bring on a healthy, cleansing but piercing cackle!  :)

- Michael