"OK. These two are about the same whore!"

Somebody is going to have to explain this one to me.

Two of our dogs (Denver and Sherman) walked past Conrad's cage, and very as-a-matter-of-factly, he exclaimed with great proclamation:
"OK.  These two are about the same whore!"


Does Conrad come from a universe what we know not of?  How can two different individuals be one - the same?  One good explanation was that he was simply making me aware that even though they are very different breeds, he knows that both Denver and Sherman are dogs, and in good Conrad-fashion, instead of saying, "These 2 are dogs!", he had to make his labels a bit more interesting by jazzing it up a bit.


Such comparisons aren't that unusual.  I have a friend that has 2 African Greys, "Buzzy" and "Bear".  He also had a dog named "Joe".  Buzzy and Bear's cage was sitting by a window in the living room, and when it starts to  rain at a nice rate, Buzzy would say, "Come here, Joe! It's raining dogs!"


(Minimally, these are just a few of the advanced cognitive functions that are occuring during that small exchange between Buzzy and Joe:
1) the fact that Buzzy knows to call Joe
2) the fact that he knows Joe will come to the cage
3) the fact that he knows Joe is a dog, 
4) the fact that he know how to identify rain by name
5)  the fact that he has heard the phrase, "It's raining cats and dogs!" in the past, and
5)  the fact that he remembered the phrase, and individualized the phrase to match the current relevant situation. 


The summary of this assorted saga is this:
"OK.  These two are about the same whore!"


he he

- Michael

The Emperor's New Clothes, Part II, and Taliesen East and West: 'Shining Brow'

A recent comment that I made re: the Chinese Lantern Festival at the Missouri Botanical Gardens (2012):

The background story:
A *lot* of large, silk Chinese lanterns and sculptures have been placed throughout the Botanical Gardens in preparation for this event. However, in doing so, they have removed or replace a large number of water lilies, rose bushes, and otherwise invaded areas that plantings originally occupied.

My memo to them is such:

"Where can I see beautiful water lillies in the Gardens this year?

(Hint: The back of the Japanese Lake, in that one little corner of the lake, and the smaller pond located in the grassy area just a few feet from the Climatron reflection pools doesn't count!)

My original question:
Where can I see beautiful water lillies in the Gardens this year?

Spoiler:

The world's most famous architect, Frank Lloyd Wright built both Taliesin's, East and West. "Taliesen means "shining brow" or "radiant brow', and for good reason. He built both Taliesens on the side of a hill - on the brow of the hill - rather than on top of the hill. Why would he do this? (Listen closely! The man was a genius, and it would behoove most folk to listen to the voice of genius, rather than to fight it!) Frank Lloyd Wright built both these famous buildings 'on the brow' of the hill, rather than on TOP of the hill for one reason: If you build on top of the hill, you LOSE THE HILL. You lose the beauty of the hill. His buildings were built to work with the natural beauty, and not to fight it or destroy it. (Many of these silk structures replaced iconic water lilies.)

I can see that whoever had the idea of replacing beautiful, natural iconic water lilies with silk, man-made structures were obviously not tuned into the wisdom of such genius, eh?

Please don't misunderstand the intent of this post.

I shop at Global International Food Market and Jay's International Foods more than I do the local Schnuck's and Dierberg's grocery stores.
I attend every cultural festival that I can possibly can. Over half of the furnishings in my entire home are the Chinese antiques from SuttonWood Antiques (the same vendor who supplied the Chinese antiques to the Botanical Garden's Gift Shop). I have had these antiques for 7 years, and I know the people that own SuttonWood Antiques on a personal level. Another example would be that I can cook Indian food better than many Indian people that I know on a personal level.

It's not the Lantern display that I have an issue with. It is the fact that, in many cases, they are replacing or disrupting live plantings that have been, at least seasonally, in their places for many years. That, my friends, is just bad decorum, bad taste, and probably - bad karma!

(I, for one, do not suffer from a bad case of "The Emperor's New Clothes", and I am not afraid to speak up, and go against the grain, the general "Oh, it's ALL BEAUTIFUL!" group-think that people exhibit soley because that is the way people are programmed to react, rather than to buck the system and express their true feelings. When, in fact, if these people were not afraid of the reaction that they would receive, they, too, would speak up, and they agree that these sculptures would serve a better function if they were placed in areas of the Garden that disrupt the plantings! In fact, in a round-about way, a couple people have been brave enough - but not forceful enough - to already do so.)"

- Michael

About Birthdays:

About Birthdays:


Is this a 'good thing' or a 'bad thing'?


Today, I have been brainstorming, thinking, "What can I do today that would be 'special' for my birthday?"


Several years ago, I came to the conclusion that, with realistic limitations ($$ and time), generally speaking, I do "What I want", and whenever I want to do it.  With that taken into consideration, EVERY DAY is a birthday for me!  The 'good thing' about the deal is that, thankfully, the actual number of years will only increase one every 365 days.


We go to 'special' restaurants whenever we feel the urge, and not just on select days.  I go see all that St. Louis has to offer whenever I leave the house, and those visits are not reserved for a specific date.  I go to the Missouri Botanical Gardens weekly, the Zoo often, the St. Louis Art Museum, the History Museum, Malls, antique malls and stores, unique shops, and I go to wonderful venues and events at a frantic rate throughout the season. 


For example, this evening, I am going to do what I do during this time of the year, every other year that I have lived in the St. Louis area.  I am going to the opening of the first large outdoor art fair of the season, located at Laumeir Sculpture Park, just 7 miles from our home.  To me, this is a yearly event that I have never missed since I have lived in this area.  The skill, attention to detail, hard work, passion and finesse that these artists exhibit in their fine art and creativity will always inspire me to take the comforting, settling, deep breath that my heart craves, and one which will serve to center and soothe my soul.  


I love the first night, evening openings of these Art Fairs.  I usually go to Friday night openings by myself, without Mark, so I can browse at my leisure, without him getting bored, and hurrying me through the venue.    I can take my time and talk to the artists from all over the country that I have grown to know on a personal level over the 17 years that I have lived in the St. Louis area.  The lines at the wine tasting booth are long, and that area is crowded. No problem.  I will have a locally brewer oatmeal Schlafly Beer,  grab a Lobster Risotto Cake, Wild Mushroom Pesto Quesadilla, or a  Grilled Eggplant Goat Cheese Panini, and enjoy a Spring evening while listening to Jazz on the main stage.  It isn't uncommon for me to spend 3 hours or more on a Friday evening (or Saturday afternoon!) at an Art Fair.


Everyday is a birthday celebration for me.  If $$ flowed more freely, I would be traveling the entire world, sampling all the food, wearing all the clothes, listening to the different music that the people of the world has to offer, and taking in every custom that I can get my fat little fingers on.  


But reality sets in, and I realize that I have not - and probably will not - get a huge inheritance that will allow me to explore the entire world. In the meantime, I am thankful that I have the world that I DO have to explore, the music that I have taught myself how to play, my other abilities that I have fine tuned.  I know people who will not allow themselves such things in their lives, and the price they pay is much greater than the yearning that I experience on a daily basis because I can't experience the entire world.  Their pain is much greater than my own, because they don't know it's source.  The sad fact is that those individuals most likely have more of the resources available to them than those that are available to me, and that they could enrich their lives, but they have made the conscious choice to remain bitter, and to not do so.  That is an unfortunate fact.


With that being said, 


"HAPPY BIRTHDAY - every day - TO ME!"  


:)

- Michael

The Rogue Reverse Vandal Vegetation Vigilante

There has to be a support group for people like me!
Mark has known this for quite some time, but I think I finally reached the point that I have to admit that I have turned into a complete Rogue Reverse Vandal Vegetation Vigilante! 


I firmly believe that no matter where you live, you should take pride in your environment.  We live in Ladue, MO, which is known for lots of nice houses, lots of money and lots of snot.  Disclaimer:  We have a Ladue address, we do *not* have a Ladue house.  There is quite a difference between the 2.


Anywho, our neighbor is renting the house on the lot immediately adjacent to our house.  This fella is a true renter in the fact that he really doesn't care about the outward appearance of his home.  He piles trash from his Jeep in the yard beside the driveway.  During storms, some of this crap will blow all over the neighborhood.  This man also lets this irritating, invasive bush (Trees!) honey suckle grow up over the windows in a haphazard way in front of his house.  


(I will have to play Devil's advocate, and defend him in saying that the neighbor on the OTHER side of our property isn't much better.  This other neighbor doesn't keep invasive bushes trimmed from the front of his house, but he does usually keep his lawn cut.)


To make a long story just a bit longer and more painful.....


This morning, I took the trash to the curb, and I glanced over at the Hoosier neighbor's house.  A second later, I heard his Jeep start up.  I know that this young man doesn't cook at home, and eats all of his meals at restaurants, take-out, fast food, etc.  That is where most of the trash that he piles up in the front lawn comes from.  
I heard the Jeep start up, and I know the proverbial little light flickered on in my head.


The very second that he backed out of his driveway, and I saw his Jeep disappear down the lane, I ran into my garage and got my biggest pair of pruning shears.  I had to work fast because I didn't know if he was going to work, or if he was making a quick trip to a nearby Starbuck's or St. Louis Bread Company for breakfast. 


Like a good reverse vandal, I know that I shouldn't cut back ALL the bad vegetation.  That would be too obvious.   But then again, I am inclined to think that a person that will allow trash to pile up in his front yard isn't too concerned about overgrown vegetation disappearing at a fast rate!


I did wack back some huge chunks, but I reluctantly left a few decoys.  In a couple days, I will creep back over there when he leaves the house again, and I will remove more.  Like the Grinch That Stole the Bad Vegetation, I toted that crap as fast as I could to the huge pile that I started years ago in the far back corner of our yard.


I wonder if he will know the difference when he gets back home?  I wonder if he will even care?  I doubt it, but I DO know that I couldn't take it any more, and it had to go!


ONWARD, ROGUES!  :()

- Michael

Phesant, anyone?

From 1985 - 1992, I worked at Hardee's North at 12 & Locust Sts. in Quincy, IL.  Late one evening, a young lady that worked with me came through the drive-thru and ordered a meal.  I recognized her cheerful voice over the drive-thru speaker, and I called her by her first name,and I asked her to "drive around to the window" to pick up her order.

Within the past week of this visit, this lady had bought a new Ford Escort that she was proud of.  When she pulled up to the window in her new car, her hands were gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her fingers were white from the lack of circulation. 

***HER NEW CAR HAD NO WINDSHIELD!***

Covering her face and body, and all over the entire interior of her car was tons of feathers - and the guts from a phesant!  She was driving on the highway when a phesant flew through her windshield.  There wasn't a speck of glass still in that window frame.  This girl had a huge, Cheshire-Cat grin on her face, and her eyes were WIDE open.  I knew she was in shock.  Her mother lived 2 blocks from this Hardee's, so I had her pull her car over, and I called her mother to come to the restaurant to pick her up.  I couldn't let that poor gal continue down the road with phesant guts plastered all over her hands...face... body... car...  

- Michael

Disappointments and Expectations

I saw this post on FaceBook, and - you know me! - I had to reply:



My response:

In response to that statement:

Uh. No.

I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't respectfully take umbrage with that statement.

In this era of "Dumbing Down of America", kids are texting but they honestly do not know how, or care to write proper English. At an alarming rate, people are increasingly taking short cuts, rather than do something the right way, they use read-made kits and any other method devised by lazy people to avoid rendering anything with character, finesses, attention to detail and quality.

They are also either completely destroying or hideously remodeling many of our historic buildings and places that were once our national pride, and they are replacing those things - if they replace them at ALL - with something of considerably less quality than what they thoughtlessly ripped out. (The historic, grand San Francisco Fox Theatre comes to mind as an example. That space is now a parking structure!)

Even though they are a near-extinct breed, there a FEW people out there who still stick to the details, and require sophistication and quality. As an example, each year, I attend many local outdoor art fairs, including the #1 and #2 art shows in the country. The acceptance process for artists to enter these shows is grueling, to say the least. Only the finest are accepted. The artists that do make their way into these shows are exquisite in their craftsmanship and their attention to detail. It will be a bad day, indeed, if these artists ever fall into the patterns that I mentioned earlier in this post.

"To each his own", but as for me and my camp, I still expect people to do their best in everything they do.

Personally, I am blind in one eye, my right arm that is 50% functional, and it is 4" shorter than my left arm, and I desperately need a replacement ankle (maggots ate most of my first ankle!)

If I can surpass my able-bodied peers in many things that I do, and I was given less than half of the faculties that they were given, shouldn't they be doing twice as much as I can accomplish (instead of doing nothing at all, and making poor excuses as to why they are lazy)?

The moral of this storied saga:

I don't expect "too much" from people. I don't expect them to give me any more than I give in return. Since they are not willing to uphold their end of the bargain, with a few exceptions, they will continue to disappoint me.

Personally, I believe that in general, the days of detail and quality went with the Fabergé egg:

"That level of detail is from a time that once was, is not now, and will never be again."

::: Jumping down from my big soap box! ::

:)

- Michael

Take one puff or two, and call me in the morning!

When I was in Virginia Beach, VA in 1997, I had packed a 40' moving van with a 2nd floor apt. full of furniture.  That is a LOT of wear and tear on an ankle that really wasn't designed to bear weight  at all.  After we packed the truck, we went to a local diner for supper.  My Ex had to help me back to the truck after we ate, because I couldn't touch my foot to the ground without screaming my damned head off.
The next day, we were planning on driving back to St. Louis.  I had to crawl through the house because I couldn't stand up.

Anywho, he got me a little "help" from an acquaintance's house.

Back story:
When I was 17, and fresh out of my parent's house, I was in a horrible "straight roommate" situation that I don't care to ever repeat as long as I live.  When I first met this roommate, he was an attractive young man.  Virile, muscly, bushy red hair, a full, thick beard, and from across the room, at any rate, it didn't seem like he was hurting anywhere else, if you know what I mean.

This young man spent the entire check from his job on pot and beer. He chain smoked - POT!     We could drive (!!) at highway speeds in his 1974 Chevy Nova, with all 4 windows rolled completely down, and when I got out of the car, my eyes were beet red.  I had never touched the stuff, but you can bet that I was building up a tolerance by getting a load of his smoke when I was anywhere within a 10 mile radius of him.

A couple years later, I was offered a joint.  Smoked this joint, and I looked at the people that were in this circle, and did my best imitation of Peggy Lee... "Is That All There Is?"  Keep in mind that just a couple years earlier, I shared an apartment with the world's biggest pot head.  Just by knowing this people and what they were about, I can testify that they did not have "bad weed", but that my tolerance was still very high, considering the fact that I had never actually touched a joint in my life.

That was in 1989.  Fast forward to 1997, Virginia Beach:

My helpful friend rolled me a FAT joint, and, based on my previous experience, I smoked the whole damned thing.  Mind you, I hadn't been anywhere near the stuff in almost 10 years.  You know that from my personal medical experience, I had been on morphine and other strong pain killers as a child, so my tolerance (when I was YOUNG!) was very high.  Pot is no match for Morphine, Vicodin, etc.

To end this storied saga, I thought my tolerance would still be sky high, so I smoked this fat joint.  THEN, my friend takes me to lunch WITH HIS JEWISH MOTHER! at a snack shop that was inside a grocery store.  By this time of the day - considering that I inhaled an entire fat joint - I was feeling NO PAIN AT ALL.  Even with no pain, I was fighting like Hell to walk across parking lot to go inside the grocery store.  The problem was simple. I was so fricken high that I couldn't stand up!

We entered the snack shop, and I approached the counter.  I asked the gent if he had any ONION ice cream!  When I realized my folly, of course, I thought I was fricken hilarious, and I laughed my ass off for probably 10 minutes.  THEN....I had to go sit at a table, act as if nothing strange was happening, and have decent conversation with his Jewish mamma!  (Hindsight being 20 / 20, the whole day was hilarious, but at the time... not so much!)

I know you are asking, "What happened to the buff red head?"
Answer:
In excessive amounts, the active ingredient in marijuana (THC), decreases testosterone levels.  What is left? ESTROGEN!  In other words a side effect of excessive pot use can be increased secondary female sex characteristics in men.

This man's beard grew sparse and shaggy, his voice raised considerably, his hips widened in a womanly fashion, and he grew noticeably large BOOBS! Worse yet, I witnessed him frustrated, storming out of his bedroom on more than one occasion.  He had his girlfriend in there, they were trying to "get it on", and he couldn't!  His testosterone had decreased so much that his penis and testicles shrank, and could no longer get it up when he wanted to.

I don't know if this man has completely drugged himself out yet (if he is still alive), but if he EVER decided to decrease his pot use, his voice MIGHT lower again, and his facial hair MIGHT grow back. But - he is probably stuck with those womanly hips and his huge honkers!

The moral of this story:
#1) I would like to take Marinol - the active ingredient in pot in a legal pill form, and since I quite smoking 2 years ago, I think inhaling ANYTHING would hurt my lungs more than it would help, if you know what I mean.
#2) Since I like my manliness right where it is, occasional medical use is OK, but even though I have in the past often played "a woman on TV", I really don't want a pot-induced sex change!  :)

Marinol:



More info:
http://www.justice.gov/dea/ongoing/marinol.html
- Michael