Do You Love Me?

Note to others:

"Just when you thought that no other living being could be more full of themselves than I am, Conrad easily and effortlessly trumps me."

Note to self: "Don't ask Conrad stupid questions!"

I was making my lunch in the kitchen and Conrad is in his cage in the living room. He's in there talking up a storm to him, so I ask him:
"Do you love me?"

The answer to that question is USUALLY a simple "Yeah!" but today, he decided to change it up a bit with:

"Shit, yeah! You're my favorite whore!"

Any person out of Conrad's circle would freak out if they heard that response, but remember: "Whore" is a catch-all noun that Conrad uses for ANY living being. (A few weeks ago, our 2 biggest dogs walked by his cage, and Conrad yells, "Michael!!! Are these 2 about the same whore?" meaning "Are these 2 about the same (dog) ?"

My laughter to his new response is followed by his own amused chuckle, then he responds with, "See me! I'm gorgeous!"

Then...in his next several sentences, he substitutes "whore" for EVERY noun. (Think: Tourettes !")

He finishes this little episode by calling Sherman, the bulldog - but in a very different way. Greys are easily bored, and they are constantly 'changing it up'. Instead of "Sherman!", which he knows very well, he yells:

"Sherm-Asshole! come here! "

I wonder if Petsmart sells a tiny bar of soap to wash out his little potty bill?

- Michael