All Dodge Rams are trucks, but not all trucks are Dodge Rams

On the subject of battles that I will never win AND pianos:

This week, I walked into The Antique Emporium on Manchester Ave. here in St. Louis.  This is a fantastic antique mall-type shop with exquisite and unique upscale antiques and other findings.

The Antique Emporium moved 'down the street' recently to another building.  When I visited this shop in it's previous location, the Emporium usually had 2 - 3 grand pianos for sale at any given time, offered for sale by different people who rented that particular booth.

A couple weeks back, I visited this shop in i's new location, and I immediately noted a beautiful 1970 Chickering grand piano in the room adjacent to the entrance of this shop.  At that particular time, I played that piano for probably a half an hour.  My dear readers that 'fiddle on the keys a bit' will know that both touch and tone are vital factors when selecting 'the right piano for you.'  I play a lot of Scott Joplin rag pieces.  If the piano's action is too loose (the touch is too light), it is almost impossible to play a heavy-handed piece on that piano.  Tone is important, too.  If you don't like the way the piano sounds or feels, it will be difficult to play music in a manner that is at once comfortable, familiar and satisfying.

Anywho.....  to continue, with some back story:

A couple years back, I started looking for an acoustic piano to add to my substantial collection of keyboard instruments.  I played a *LOT* of pianos at music shops, estate sales, etc, and I wasn't finding a good match.  In July 2010, I finally found the best match for me:  A 2010 Kawai 506N upright studio piano.  I couldn't ask for a better tone and the touch on the action feels GREAT.

HOWEVER...... (Don't you just love "Howevers"?)......

Owning a grand piano is on my 'bucket list', and I do really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but with each passing day that we are alive on this planet, our time remaining is getting shorter - not longer.  That 'bucket' will come quicker than most folk are expecting it to arrive.

When I sat down to this 1970 Chickering grand piano at the Antique Emporium, it's tone was WONDERFUL, and it's touch was PERFECT.  That piano and I became instant friends, and I played it for a half an hour before I reluctantly left the store.

A couple days ago, I visited his shop again. When I walked in the front door, the shop owner was at the counter.  During my previous visit, a friendly young lady was working, and the shop keep wasn't present.

I told the owner, "I want that piano in there!" (:::pointing into the adjacent room:::).

She answered me, "The baby grand?"

Instinctively, I quickly peeked around the corner into the room that should have contained the only piano that I had seen a couple weeks earlier.  I knew that in the past, this antique store often had several grand pianos in it's inventory, and I thought that I missed seeing one during my last visit.

When I looked back into the room, I noted the same 1970 Chickering classic Grand piano that I had played previously, and that was the only piano in the room.

I asked the shop owner, "Do you have a new baby grand in stock?  I didn't see one on my last visit a couple weeks ago."  In a near-tiff, and in a somewhat bothered tone, she said, as if I didn't know what I was talking about, "No - the only piano in there!" (:::she was pointing into the same room that I just peeked into:::)

Suddenly, I saw the situation a bit more clearer.  I answered her, "\Oh!  That fantastic Chickering is a 'classic grand', not a 'Baby grand' ! I thought I missed a piano on my last visit, and I was looking for a Baby Grand"

Can I confide in you, dear reader, and tell you that this woman looked at me as if I had just lost my damned mind!

She tried to re-educate me by telling me that "The only difference between pianos is the shape.  There is an upright piano and a Baby Grand!"

Uh.... no.  Most folk believe that all pianos that adding the "Baby" superlative to "Grand" makes the piano a bit 'fancier'.  hey need to learn to leave well enough alone.  That classic grand piano is fancy enough without adding a superlative that doesn't belong to it.

I TRIED to explain the difference to her in this manner:

"In much the same manner as 'All Dodge Rams are trucks, but not all trucks are Dodge Rams', all Baby Grand pianos are grand pianos - but not all grand pianos are Baby Grands!"

I continued by telling her that (depending on the piano maker), "Any grand piano under 6' in length is considered a Baby Grand.  Then, you have the 'regular or classic grand', and the REALLY long grand pianos are Concert Grands."

Even though the 5' 10 1/2" model (in this sample) is pushing the limits a bit, these sizes are usually considered "Baby Grands":



These sizes are usually considered "Regular or Classic" Grands:



These huge, fabulously thundering beasts are considered "Concert Grands":
 

(These particular measurements were taken from Steinway's production models, and may vary between other piano makers, however, the concept remains the same.)

After I tried to enlighten the shop-keep, she once again, she looked at me as if I lost my damned mind.

I truly hope that **I** never allow myself to reach the point where I never question a bit of information that I once considered to be true, but in fact, it is not.  Being flexible, and willing to view ANY subject from a different point of view is, indeed, a gift that I do not take for granted.

I know that "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!" is true, but if he doesn't drink, can I then drown his ass in the pool of water?

I also know that "Never try to teach a pig to sing.  It will only waste your time, and annoy the pig!"

Moving on.....

From the information that I gathered, hat piano had been serviced about 3 months earlier.  The shop owner told me that the work "took 2 days", so I am assuming that it was not only tuned, but the action was possibly re-regulated.  I don't know the name of the piano technician that did the work, but I say, "Kudos to you! That lovely 1970 Chickering classic grand piano sounds and feels lovely!"  The piano's owner has marked the price down from $9,000 to $8,000, and even though that is the 2nd best piano that I have touched in a while (my Kawai being #1 !),. it's still a bit too rich for my blood.

- Michael

Comparing Apples to Motorcycles

That is one of several reasons why I don't watch shows like The X-Factor and American Idol, anymore. The last couple seasons of each show that I DID watch, I would record TV via the cable attached to my computer, and I would immediately fast-forward through any and all judges comments and commercials. It is amazing how fast you can watch an hour show (less than 15 minutes), when you cut out all the crap. When I worked in a large office, after every American Idol show, etc, I would overhear people in the cubicles adjacent to mine talking about last night's show. As God is my witness, I heard them repeat, verbatim, every word the judges said, and these coworkers were repeating the judge's comments as if they were the original ideas and thoughts of each coworker.

After the coworker's comments were made, without fail, I would peak over the cube's wall,  and say to each coworker: "Now that you have repeated the judge's comments, what are your OWN thoughts about the show? And I want you to tell me your own thoughts without using the judge's words." Mouths flew open, and the office grew quiet. The sad part of that story is that we would go through this little routine EVERY WEEK.

Even though I go to every large outdoor (and indoor!) Art Fair and Show in the ST. Louis area, I strongly disagree with judging art - or food or music.  "One man's junk is another man's treasure" applies.

You can't judge a singer like Tina Turner against Sarah Brightman.  These ladies are in 2 different categories, and comparing their music is like comparing apples to motorcycles.  It can't be done.

Judging music (or art or food - or children!) is like dancing to architecture. It can't be done.

I like "this AND that", rather than "this OR that".

TV Host Andrew Zimmern from Bizarre Foods visited the Minnesota State Fair.  A champion baker, winning over 2,500 ribbons including over 1,000 Blue Ribbons met Andrew at the Fair.  When she met him, she said, "Oh, I know who you are!  you're the guy that eats all that 'weird stuff'."  Andrew didn't miss a beat when he lovingly put his arm around her shoulders, and said with a smile:

"No, it's just that my idea of 'Good' is a bit more expansive than most people's (idea of 'Good')."

After his comment, Marjorie recoiled a bit, put her hand to her mouth, and she mumbled, "Oh, I see!"  I think she finally 'got it'.

Translated:  Even though she is a renowned championship baker,  Andrew was telling Marjorie that he really didn't care to join her in her self-imposed, constricted limitations.

Folk should tread lightly when considering judging ANYTHING.

Another quick example:  Indian (food) restaurants.

There are probably 8 Indian restaurants that we frequent on a regular basis.  Each restaurant varies in the foods offered, the number of items on the buffets, the general atmosphere, and their locations.  I like Mayuri (near Olive Blvd. & I-270) because they have a large buffet and they are authentic in their flavors.  I also like Rasoi, in the Central West End.  The items offered are good, and I know the staff very well.  Haveli on Page is a darker atmosphere  with a good buffet.  We know the owner of this restaurant on a personal level, and we always have a friendly chat with her. Mark likes to compare these restaurants.  Even though I do have a favorite, I find it impossible to truly compare them.

It is an inherent part of my existence.  I don't compare children, food, art, music - or much of anything else.

To compare one subject against another will only serve to loose the individual qualities of both.

(The TV networks WANT you to compare singers, etc, for this very reason.  Replace "News Media" with "Reality TV"):

- Michael

"Because We Can"

"Because We Can" - the title of the Bon Jovi tour that is coming to St. Louis.

I love a smart man! The reason he used this title for the tour is because he knew beforehand that people would ask (with noses snarled), "Why are THEY going on tour?"
The answer, "Because We Can"

Much in the same manner as the day I fell in love with the idea of driving a used hearse as a daily driver.

I was 18 yrs old, bicycling through the parking lot of the Quincy (IL) Mall. I noticed a black, shiny hearse across the lot. It had a hood scoop, jacked up in the back with wide racing slick tires, dual exhaust pipes, and it's nose almost touched the ground. The curtains were in the windows, and the script was on the side of the hearse. It didn't take a detective to figure out that this hearse wasn't owned by a local funeral home! I rode my bicycle across the parking lot to get a closer look. Remember - this was BEFORE I was 'initiated" - before I had knowledge, and before I learned to take another look from a different point of view! I was thinking what you are thinking:

"Who the Hell would ride around in a fricken HEARSE?"

The answer became apparent to me when I read the license plates. They said:

U 2 1 DAY


Again, somebody had the forethought to put the cart before the hearse, er...horse.  In this case, they put the answer before the Mr. And Mrs. Obvious' in the world asked the obligatory question.

(For a more detailed blog on hearses, FindaGrave.com, FindADeath.com, etc:
http://mrtoadslivingoutloud.blogspot.com/2010/09/miller-monster-squad-findagravecom.html

- Michael

Of ethnocentricity and self-imposed sensory imprisonment.....

....while we are on the subject off ethnocentricity and self-imposed sensory imprisonment:

I was having a conversation with a couple at The Missouri Botanical Gardens this past Wednesday.  A woman walked past us, and she was having a conversation with her male companion.  This couple was speaking ""The Queen's English" (British).

The woman that I was talking to threw her hands up, and looked at her husband and said, "I just hate it when 'they' talk like that!"

I winked at her and said, "Of course, you realize that 'they' invented that language (English) - you just bastardized the Hell out of it.  Although I might LOOK like him, I am NOT the 'Amazing Kreskin'.  Lemme see.....(acting like I was looking into a crystal ball)  "You most likely hold expectations that the earth is pivoting around the point at which we are now standing."

I do wish these people would put those agape mouths to good work and catch a few flies!  :) 

One of my favorite moments in life are when somebody says, "You know, I never thought of it that way!"  

This woman looked at her husband and said, "You know....he does make a valid point!"

When I looked into their eyes, I could see the proverbial 'bright light' flicker on! Right in the middle of the Holiday Train and botanical Show at the Gardens, I gave them a huge hug, and we continued on our merry ways. 

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

You can always find one particular man at a gas station here in St. Louis, on Jefferson Ave, panhandling for money. His usual shtick is to tell you that he he was kicked out of his house during a fight by his lover (he is always wearing full pajamas, as if he was kicked out in the middle of the night!). When his unsuspecting victims offer to call the police to get him help, he'll say, "Oh, I'm OK. I just need money for food, shelter...etc."

There is several things wrong with this encounter:

1) This man ALWAYS tells the same story.

2) He has told this story so many times that it sounds over-rehearsed.

3) When I am looking 'like myself' , which is 99% of the time, I am a very recognizable person. (He should have recognized me from the many times before that he tried this stunt.)

4) Like himself, I am a fellow gay man. In other words, he should know that "I've got your number!"

5) I am street-wise enough to know that 90% of panhandlers are looking for drug or alcohol money.

(I've seen perfectly able-bodied people park a vehicle, WALK to the back of their vehicle, take out a wheel chair, get in the wheel chair and start trying to look pathetic!)

Back to the drama 'princess' in the pajamas:

I tell him, "Look, you've played this game for so many years that it is sounding WAY too rehearsed. If you want drug money, you need to change it up a little, AND you need to better recognize people that you have already hit up!" Then I go on to tell him:

"First, I'm on social security, and I'm driving THIS truck through YOUR neighborhood. You've earned enough $ today for your daily fix. Now, YOU GIVE ME A DOLLAR!"

His answer (after he realizes that he has tried this stunt on me several times):

"OK, Girlfriend! Whatever you say!"

He hands me a dollar and shuffles off to find his next victim.  

The moral of this story:
I've taken several of his dollars! :)

- Michael

It's not HAPPY HOLIDAYS - it's MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Enlightenment is a "good thing".  Enlightenment keeps me from turning into people that I choose not to discuss in an open forum - if you know what I mean.

Before we continue, let's go ahead and debunk that "It's Merry Christmas, not Merry Xmas!" thing.

There is a common misconception that the word Xmas stems from a secular attempt to remove the religious tradition from Christmas by taking the "Christ" out of "Christmas", but its use dates back to the 16th century.

Xmas is nothing more a common abbreviation of the word Christmas . The "-mas" part is from the Latin-derived Old English word for Mass, while the "X" comes from the Greek letter Chi, which is the first letter of the Greek word Χριστός which comes into English as "Christ".  It is nothing more - and nothing less than a simple abbreviation for "Christmas".

While we have this thing splayed open on the operating table, let's go ahead and poke around the actual religion aspect of the issue.

Please understand that there are a LOT of completely different religions that ALL believe in the same GOD (I didn't say "Christ" - I said "God") as Christians believe in.  Some folk would gasp upon discovering that Hindus, Muslims, and many other religions ALSO believe in God, albeit, they also believe in different messengers (not entirely different from Catholics that pray to St. Mary, etc.)
Most religions believe in the same God, even though the 'messengers' might be a 'little' different!  That, however, is a discussion for a different day. 

Consider these facts:
32% of the world's population is Christian.  Christmas - the day Christ was born - December 25 - is actually centered around the winter solstice.  (An important date for Pagans.)

This leaves 78% percent of the world that is NOT Christian.  78% is well over the majority of the world's population that is NOT Christian,  thus "Christmas" - and Easter - means nothing at all to them, and rightfully so.  Both Hinduism and Buddhism are many thousands of years older than Christianity. Now you must understand that one person's religion is no more - or less - valid than the person standing next to him on the planet. 

(Incidentally, Christians killed approximately 200,000 people during the Crusades.  Go ahead on and look up the number of people that Hindus and Buddhists have killed.  First, remove ALL denial filters, then look at those numbers again.  You will find that they are grossly tilted in the direction of the Christian being the 'killingest', to coin a phrase.)

In my humble opinion, "Happy Holidays", to CHRISTIAN people living in USA and Canada, indicates a greeting for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Day

The only countries in the *world* that celebrate Thanksgiving is the USA and Canada.  While we're discussing the USA and Canada, their combined populations are 4.49% of the worlds population.

In summary:
1) "Merry Christmas" pertains to only 32% o the world's population.
2) "Happy Thanksgiving" pertains to only 4.49% of the world's population.
3) There are *32* different calendar systems that are used in the world, and most of those "New Years Days" occur on different days of their particular calendars.

Pertaining to the fact that Americans think the rest of the world should revolve around their own beliefs (when, in fact, they make up only 4.46% of it's population - and the remainder of that population - 95.54% - do not share the same beliefs), well famed travel expert Rick Steves said it best:

"“I would like travelers, especially American travelers, to travel in a way that broadens their perspective, because I think Americans tend to be some of the most ethnocentric people on the planet. It's not just Americans, it's the big countries. It's the biggest countries that tend to be ethnocentric or ugly. There are ugly Russians, ugly Germans, ugly Japanese and ugly Americans. You don't find ugly Belgians or ugly Bulgarians, they're just too small to think the world is their norm.”
 
― Rick Steves

↑↑↑↑↑↑ - Apply as necessary to the current topic of discussion.

An example on how to effectively realize that there are other people on this planet:

I tell my Jewish friends, "Happy Chanukah" (starting on Thursday, November 28 in 2013).

No, Chanukah is not a "Jewish Christmas" (can you believe that I have heard people say that many times?) THERE IS NO JEWISH CHRISTMAS!

BTW, I've heard it from a good source that I am the only goy that says "Chanukah" correctly!

My Jewish friends tell ME "Merry Christmas", but that confuses them because, much like Tina Turner considers herself a "Baptist-Buddhist", I consider myself a Pagan Pentecostal Buddhist Hindu!

I tell my Hindu friend, Prathiba Vasudevan "Happy Holi" (The Hindu Festival of Colors), and I greet her according to the Hindu Holidays that I am familiar with. Even though she knows my spiritual beliefs vary WIDELY, even though she is Hindu, she will tell me, "Merry Christmas, Happy Thanksgiving or Happy New Year", basically because she knows I am an American, and I get the 'catch-all' holidays thrown at me.

Living in a larger city, and being keenly aware of the people that share that big city with me, I learned to address them as individuals with individual needs, rather than lumping them into a lazy, catch-all ethnocentric group.

(Replace "I" with "You" in that last paragraph. If I say YOU, people think I am screaming at them. They would be correct, because I really am screaming at them. If I say "Me / I" in that last paragraph, readers will ignore it because they don't think it pertains to them. Do you see my conundrum?

- Michael

Just A Swingin' ! ! !

Poor Conrad!....

That was my original impression of the situation, but he quickly let me know that he had control long before I thought he needed my assistance.

Besides intimidating the crap out of anybody he can, one of his favorite hobbies is to swing on the swing in his cage. I'm not talking about 'patty-cake, Sunday-afternoon-on-the-porch swinging.  This little man swings FEVERISHLY on that thing.  

Considering that he doesn't have legs dangling over the side of the seat so he can 'pump' them to gain more altitude, the fact that can move at all on that thing amazes me.  The fact that he is a Gold medal winning athlete on that thing amazes me.

Any who, several months ago, I noticed that his swing had worked it's way over to the side of his cage, and I *thought* he couldn't get it going again because the large wooden dowel that makes the swing's 'seat' was too close to the side of his cage, and it was stuck against the cage's bars.

Being the Good Samaritan that I am (!!), I reached above the cage to move the swing, and give it a couple inches worth of clearance between the dowel and the cage bars.  What could go wrong?  In the past (when he wasn't on the swing!), I had moved it away from the side of the cage, and this time I helped him out shouldn't have been any different than the previous episode.  Right?  The difference:  THIS time, Conrad was on the swing when I tried to move it back towards the center of his cage.

Without so much as a glance in the direction of the action OR without looking at me, and without giving the situation a second thought - and by sheer instinct - one of his feet shot out from his side at a 90 degree angle.  He grabbed on to the bars of the cage (immediately adjacent to the swing), and held on as if his life depended on it.  I tugged on the swing, thinking that he would release his death grip on the bars, and let me move the swing.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.

Sometimes, I'm a bit slow on the draw, but I do eventually pick up adequate speed.

I decided to leave him to his own devices.

A few hours later, I noticed that the swing was back as it should be - at least a couple inches away from the side of the cage.

The mystery was solved.  At-will, Conrad can move the swing to the sides of the cage (so it can be used as a stable perch, rather than a swing, and while sitting on the perch, he can push himself away from the bars of the cage so he can swing his little birdie heart out.

He also uses the bars as a brake for the swing.  This crazy bird can be swinging 100 MPH, and suddenly reach over and grab the bars of the cage with either his bill or with one of his feet, and stop on a dime!

I know....I know.... tool use by birds (and at least 9 other species of animals) is no scientific break through.  I just like to see it in action!  :)

- Michael